The session went quite well today. I was so stressed going there. Heavy body, didn't feel like getting off my car. But afterwards managed to stabilise & stay cool. While waiting we exchanged a few info about his work. I confirmed that I'm going away next week (he's coming to stay with the kids in our house while I'm gone). During the session, recalling some events was difficult. But I mentioned both positive & happy feelings & some negative. Since I went first for each event to be discussed, my husband started his with attack. "Funny how my wife recalls just the negative things, so typical of her" or "as usual, my wife..." Etc. When the therapist asked him to concentrate on talking about his feelings he said his story was different. Started to defend himself, explained context, how his parents gave him bad advice because as usual they took it from the side what's best for them & not for him etc... Anyway, everybody is bad, his actions always justified.
It's funny but he does what he reproaches to me: that I talk too much, like to listen to myself, defending myself, justifying...
Anyway, now I prepared an e-mail to therapist (plan to copy h) to say nicely that these sessions are difficult for me. That I need to talk about some painful stuff that I forgot about long time ago & now recalling. That talking about my feelings about certain events in our life I have to say things how they were for me including negative things. That I can either be right or happy & that I finally came to realise that. So unless my husband wants me to finish the remaining sessions I prefer to stop now.
I will sleep on it before I send it but I really don't see the point of continuing this. H made it clear that he just wants the 4 sessions proposed by the therapist & that's it. For him no reconciliation possible. Nothing to work on. He cannot be with someone like me who takes control of every discussion etc., analyses everything, comes to her own conclusion of what's best & executes. So why should I go two more times through this when all it does it opens old wounds & brings more pain.
I'm aware that h will use the e-mail as another attempt to exercise control over events but I'll rather take that & ignore it than sit through two more session listening to his attacks & re-writing history.
Thank you TabD, I will go & try the new one & hope for the best. I read your story, sorry you have to go through all that! I will post on your thread too.
