Toast - burnt or just right

[rich4j]

Just journaling as I needed to get back to the boards with confirming that all this time I was fooled in my own mind thinking there was no EA or PA.

PA was on after she filed for divorce to help ease her conscious.

Really have struggled lately after being on the upswing the last few weeks preparing for my new life. I am still DB'ing as much as possible regardless of where this goes as the more contact, the worse I feel. I am also trying to disengage from her social media stuff as she continues to post stuff about her travels and fun everywhere.

The hardER part is she looks better than she has in the longest time (probably becuz she is now with a new guy and paying more attention to herself) and seems to be so much happier while I have all this pending huge life changes like getting a new place to live, shattering my daughters life and me constantly worrying about how my D won't be happy with just me....I am pretty insecure that way even though she loves being with me.

I keep hoping for her to hit a pothole and get a wave of sadness and regret this late in the game still but again I know its not happening. It just hurts...and is super lonely while she is not. It's simply not fair but I know the deal....just venting.

Have a great day folks.