Thank you so much Phoebe for all the advice. I have seen a doctor and I got medication for anxiety and depression. I have actually been taking less and less of it though because I've been learning how to manage myself a little better, and I don't feel I really need the medication as much anymore.
One thing you said that has stuck with me is that I cannot believe anything my H says, the good or the bad. I think what I have been doing is not believing the bad, but believing all of the good. Hope is definitely very dangerous, it's hope that makes me backpaddle and undo any progress I make. It's very difficult to talk to him, because I try my best to be normal, and as soon as I get off of the phone, I crash. Communication is very limited now, and I try to avoid it, but there are logistical things that need to be worked out, so we have to speak every now and then.
I've never been a very confident person, so this whole situation has just brought me down even more. I've been reaching out to a lot more people now, and that seems to help a little, but nothing fills the void the way it would be filled if my husband were around.
The thing that causes more anxiety than anything else right now is the fact that there is a possibility he will end up with her. I don't know how to get that thought out of my head, but I honestly believe he left me so that he could be with her. It was a pretty intense EA, and they expressed their love for each other...they talked about where they were going to live together after they got married...I honestly think she's the reason why my marriage fell apart.
Starting a new day at work. Today may be a little tougher than yesterday. I couldn't sleep much because I kept thinking about his life with this other woman who was once my good friend...
