Have to keep making the changes

[DigIt]

Yet I still spend much too much time thinking about W and what I can do to try and please her my life is consumed with thoughts of what I did wrong I am blaming myself for the breakdown I am taking full responsabloty but it is not only my fault

It can be good to reflect, but I always liked this quote "don't look behind you, you're not going that way". Allow time for reflection, but do not dwell on it.

I have to stop following her on Facebook yet this feels wrong to do this I have been with her for about 25 years in total and I keep feeling that this should be fixable

That was a big problem for me as well. I thought there's no way things will get to where we are, its all fixabe! And in truth, that may be, but RIGHT NOW, you need to stay focused on yourself. Its the only way to make things better. You must excercise patience right now.

I cannot do the work because of the fear of loosing her yet I have already lost her

I question everything and over analyse everything and I cannot let go ...I need to be able to let go

Now, by your words, you've already lost her, so what are you trying to let go? There's nothing there to hold onto right now, stay strong and work on you. There's always time for other stuff later down the line.