Have to keep making the changes

[ATPeace]

Old thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2678748&page=10

I keep trying to do the work that is needed but I do not know what I have to do

Work on me yup doing this
Spend more time with the kids ...yup doing this
Be the best dad you can be ....trying to do this

Yet I still spend much too much time thinking about W and what I can do to try and please her my life is consumed with thoughts of what I did wrong I am blaming myself for the breakdown I am taking full responsabloty but it is not only my fault

I have to stop following her on Facebook yet this feels wrong to do this I have been with her for about 25 years in total and I keep feeling that this should be fixable

I cannot do the work because of the fear of loosing her yet I have already lost her

I question everything and over analyse everything and I cannot let go ...I need to be able to let go

I spiral all the flipping time

I am worth more than this I deserve to be happy

Sorry for much of the same I miss the intimacy I get nothing

I need to go hug a tree

Ghost x

[roist]

Best wishes mate.

If unfollowing her on fb helps YOU, do it. You can simply block her and not de-friend her.

It is hard and it is long. But becoming the best you possible is the way to go. You are on that path. I won't repeat what many have already said. You have heard the advice here.

Maybe if you had been able to follow the advice better, you would be in a better place now. But we cope as best we can. You will get there.

Regardless of the spiralling and your attachment,you are still going. Regardless of the reasons you have endured a long struggle for what you believe. I just wanted to drop by and mention that. Well done.

[beachmx]

The best thing I ever did after the Bomb was to change my cell phone provider to another company and change the account in her name.

Not to distance myself, but it removed all possibilities of checking her phone calls, texts ect. It's such a HUGE temptation.... but once its removed...you don't think about it anymore. And thats a giant weight...

W never had FB, so this was the way I snooped. Be strong, GAL, improve yourself.... it will turn her around.

[Huddy]

A little back slide here.....you sounded so positive at the end of your last thread!

I still think the key for you is to get out of the house. You are making so many improvements, but she can't see that as she still sees you as the enemy within. It will be a wrench to not see your kids every day, but, it may just jolt her in to thinking 'what if?'.

Go Ghost.

[DigIt]

Yet I still spend much too much time thinking about W and what I can do to try and please her my life is consumed with thoughts of what I did wrong I am blaming myself for the breakdown I am taking full responsabloty but it is not only my fault

It can be good to reflect, but I always liked this quote "don't look behind you, you're not going that way". Allow time for reflection, but do not dwell on it.

I have to stop following her on Facebook yet this feels wrong to do this I have been with her for about 25 years in total and I keep feeling that this should be fixable

That was a big problem for me as well. I thought there's no way things will get to where we are, its all fixabe! And in truth, that may be, but RIGHT NOW, you need to stay focused on yourself. Its the only way to make things better. You must excercise patience right now.

I cannot do the work because of the fear of loosing her yet I have already lost her

I question everything and over analyse everything and I cannot let go ...I need to be able to let go

Now, by your words, you've already lost her, so what are you trying to let go? There's nothing there to hold onto right now, stay strong and work on you. There's always time for other stuff later down the line.

[vise82]

Hey,

You and me both are still here doing what we can do, hoping for a better life. A return to normalcy. To a commonsense MR.

[rd500]

Hi G. Of course it's sad and if W wanted it could be fixable but she doesn't want to fix it so it's not fixable

I sound like a broken record but so do you !!! Your M is over , W wants to be free and she will not work on the M because she doesn't want to.

This may not be forever but it may so work on you and become someone who you want to be.

G , it's still very clear to W that you need her and while she has you as an option she has no sense of loss or concern over losing you I'm not saying to act different but at this stage ( time wise ) you need to be detaching more than you are

All the above in my humble opinion and I do feel you pain

Take care. Rd

[MoveFrwd]

I keep trying to do the work that is needed. but I do not know what I have to do

Work on me yup doing this
Spend more time with the kids ...yup doing this
Be the best dad you can be ....trying to do this

Yet I still spend much too much time thinking about W and what I can do to try and please her my life is consumed with thoughts of what I did wrong I am blaming myself for the breakdown I am taking full responsabloty but it is not only my fault

I have to stop following her on Facebook yet this feels wrong to do this I have been with her for about 25 years in total and I keep feeling that this should be fixable

I cannot do the work because of the fear of loosing her yet I have already lost her

I question everything and over analyse everything and I cannot let go ...I need to be able to let go

I spiral all the flipping time

I am worth more than this I deserve to be happy

Sorry for much of the same I miss the intimacy I get nothing

I need to go hug a tree

Ghost x

Now THIS is a great post!

[SH_]

ATPeace,

Take the post that darknes edited and print it out.
The power of positive self speak and affirmations is amazing for the mind and confidence.

The mind is like a computer. If you program it correctly it will do want you want it to do.

Darknes, well edited and I agree. That is a GREAT post.

[Vanilla]

Dearest Ghost

I still check in on you

V