More detachment, less anxiety and the continued joy of limbo

[Phoebe]

Thanks for reading my crazy entries. I'm all over the place sometimes, too, though mostly I'm on my own little funny farm.

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been dealing with all of this for so long, ahmeds. The single worst thing is the uncertainty. I think it is something that people aren't well-equipped to handle, and it leads to terrible anxiety.

I know what you mean when you say that life came to a screeching halt. For me it was like my life was a basket that had just been turned upside down and all the contents went rolling away. I had no idea what to do. Actually, I still don't really know what to do. I just try to get through one day at a time. Sometimes I aim for just getting through an hour. Lately, I'm doing OK, and am actually having a lot of genuinely good days. I still remember my very first good day post walk-away, though. It wasn't very long ago, actually. A couple days later I crashed again.

I guess what I want is for you to know that good days will start to come your way again, ahmeds. It doesn't feel like they will ever come, but as you begin to heal, it will happen. Know, too, that there will still be hard days, too, but at some pint, the good days will outnumber the bad ones.

In the meanwhile, you need to take care of yourself as best you can. Reach out in any and all directions right now. Reach for family, friends, reach out to your doctor, find a therapist (I see a psychologist), take meds if your doc thinks they are appropriate, find a grief conselor, talk to a spiritual advisor if that helps you, find a support group. In short, do whatever it takes to help yourself. Forget about taking care of your H, or worrying about him and what he's thinking. He is beyond your control and trying to mind read is useless. It's beyond any of our powers to get inside another's head. Don't bother.

As much as we want our spouses in our lives, it is beyond our powers to bring them back. They come back, or not, on their own. The only person who is absolutely going to be with you every day of your life is yourself. help yourself in any way you can right now.

I'm going to go find your thread and give it a read. I hope you get some sleep.

(((ahmeds)))