SadSara, your reply made me smile! I love what you said, and took some encouragement from it, so thank you!
SadHub, thank you so much for continuously checking in and giving me words of encouragement. I truly appreciate it.
On another note, although I am new to this forum, how awesome would it be if there was a retreat for all the people on this forum who are struggling and helping each other out! It would be so cool to meet some of you in person.
Today was a good day for me, but yesterday was awful! As part of my GAL attempt, I adopted a kitten from a shelter who is very loving and sweet. I always loved cats but could never get one because my H is so allergic to them. Also, I am planning a trip to go to the beach next week. It'll be a solo trip, but I am really looking forward to it because I love the beach, I just find it so relaxing.
I did want some input from people here on something else...Sometimes my H acts as though we are not going through a D at all. During our marriage, we were always very playful with each other, and had a lot of inside jokes. When I do talk to him on the phone, he says some of those inside jokes, and plays around like old times. A few weeks back when he came to help me move some furniture into my apartment, he even initiated a push up contest, again, just a way of being playful because that's the way we were for most of our relationship. I've brought this up to him in the past, about why he acts so normal and yet is still going through with a divorce, and he says he's just trying to be nice...I see it as mixed signals. Sometimes when he acts this way, it gives me hope that he will come back to this marriage, but I'm afraid that hope is bad for me because I know at the end of the day, I'll still be let down. I just don't understand why he acts normal, and then later hands me divorce papers.
I'm not sure if I mentioned this previously, but we separated in November of 2015, and since then while seeing our therapist, we made a lot of positive progress, and he was showing signs of commitment. We even went and looked at houses together, and discussed where we wanted to live, but out of nowhere, he talked to me about moving forward with a divorce because he just cannot connect to me emotionally. Another thing I find a bit odd is that he has not told anyone that he is going through with a divorce. He even has family visiting from out of town this Saturday, and he hasn't told them that I won't be there...He said that he was going to "surprise" them after they got there, and tell them that he was getting a divorce. Is it just me, or is this odd behavior? Despite the affair, and all the lies my husband has told me, I still love him very much and pray every day that he will wake up and come to his senses. I signed the divorce papers and gave them back to him, but since I had such an awful day yesterday, I asked if he could delay turning them in. He was okay with delaying it, but he's only delaying it until next week. My H has been back and forth a lot with this idea of divorce. He claims I manipulated him and forced him to stay with me when he wanted out, but I truly believe he is just conflicted.
Sorry for the lengthy post. I'm glad I have a place where I can get open feedback. Praying things get easier for all that are struggling with marital turmoil.
