More detachment, less anxiety and the continued joy of limbo

[Phoebe]

Yup, another 4 1/2 hours of killing g invasive roses, and I'm feeling like I did something useful - improving my land and making it a better habitat for wildlife.

Even better, my friend stopped by to visit just as I was driving the tractor back home, so we sat in the swing and talked over some seltzer. It's a little chilly today and breezy, but it was beautiful and sunny - a perfect day to look out over the fields with a friend and chat.

Beyond that, there is not a lot going on, and I really like it that way. I'm busy, I've been feeling pretty happy, and there has been no contact form my WH in weeks, and that means I stay on a level keel. I'm having fun and really digging my heels into this property and making it mine. I know that I have my head stuck solidly in the sand because I am choosing to just let time and distance pile up, but I feel so much better in this mode that I fully intend to just keep it up for a while, just doing nothing that has anything to do with H. No lawyer visits, not initiating a divorce, not contacting him, not a damn thing beyond working on myself.

At some point I am going to have to go back inside the circus tent, but not now. I have been feeling so much better since I've been removed from the circus. I can go hours without H even crossing my mind, and that is lightyears from where I was just a few short weeks ago. I laugh when I'm out with my critters, I can talk to people without H entering the conversation, I am getting on with my very own life, sans the H.

I don't know that I even want to hear from him again, really, and I'm not sure what I'd say if I did. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Meanwhile, I hope that everyone has a good night's sleep and gets some peace and quiet from any and all spouses.

Happy May 19th!