Focus on me and my boys

[J5K]

Sadhub,

I laughed so hard when I read your previous posts. Let me know if you find that library book so I can pick it up also!

The insanity continues, boys tell me yesterday that STBX is going to invite a "friend" this weekend to the house so they can do fun things since it is her weekend with the boys. She is upset that she cannot take them to Toronto.

Called L right away. I don't even know who this person is but no one is going to stay in my house that I don't know.

All I know is that STBX is GALing like crazy when she is back in Toronto, all enabled by MIL and new OMs. She is on a rampage!

I just shake my head on how ridiculous all of this is. 2nd day in a row that she does not even speak to me in the morning. I politely said good morning and then mentioned that S7's homework answers were incorrect. I sat with him to redo his homework but just wanted to make you aware.

[J5K]

I am really struggling today.

I have to sign the closing documentation on the marital home on June 3rd. I do not know when I have to move out.

This means the nesting plan will change which is part of my STBX's plans. The only way to keep the nesting plan is to get an apartment for 6 months. Boys will have to start school in September either here or Canada and the D will not be over yet, it is scheduled for end of August.

Apartment is the only choice I have in order to continue with the same nesting plan otherwise she gets closer to what she wants by doing 1 week on 1 week off between Michigan and Toronto or every two weeks.

I am sure she has planned this with the buyers of the home and that they will not be flexible after the school year is over.

I expect the results of the psych eval to be complete by end of June which will then result in the D moving more quickly to get finalized as I do not care as much about the assets as I do the boys.

I can't focus. I still can't believe STBX is doing this. Need advice! Please help.

[CWOL]

Jim,
It sounds like the temporary apartment is your best choice, go with that and fight for your boys as best you can.

Moving your boys back and forth between two countries sounds insane. How would their schooling even work? I doubt any Michigan judge will go for that.

[J5K]

CWOL,

Schooling would not work. She is going to try and force me to move there and have her mom buy the house we are building. That is ultimately what she wants.

I am still having a hard time accepting this D.

[rich4j]

Jim
You have so many moving parts and things going on...I am sorry for your situation as i have posted before on your threads and have been keeping track.

I know you are worried about what she is doing which is 200% natural and being in the same house (right? ) is impossible. I am in the same situation with many moving parts including she wants me out now becuz she can't handle the guilt situation that i know everything now and she is in denial.

My only advice to keep your sanity is to switch off the "I care what she is doing" thoughts. Impossible? no but hard. You can't control her GALing and I know it kills you on how it is impacting your boys but DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT. They will see what is going on and gravitate to the one who really cares which is you. It is too much for you to have to fix and care for all of this so she doesn't deserve that part of your brain...turn it off for now if you can.

What can you do for you to keep your life from being crazy and your boys? What has your lawyer recommended that puts you in the best future position to be the best father you can be while figuring this all out? If she is in the fog it seems she is and will continue for a while, you have to let it go as she will end up only hurting herself and unfortunately neglecting the boys.

And over time which is also what you don't want to hear, you will get more time with the boys. And your situation could be totally different.

Focus on the boys. Focus on what you can do that keeps you sane and not where you can't be the best dad possible. And unfocus on her.....easier said than done.

[CWOL]

Schooling would not work. She is going to try and force me to move there and have her mom buy the house we are building. That is ultimately what she wants.

I am still having a hard time accepting this D.

That sounds almost impossible for any U.S. court to approve, to force an ex-husband to move to a foreign country in order to have joint custody of his sons. I would say you have a pretty strong hand, what does your L think?

Yes, all of us have a hard time accepting our impending D's. We can only play the hands we were dealt the best we can. I struggle with it myself.

[J5K]

Just spoke with L.

We have to move out of the house by June 3rd.
L spoke with psychologist. Psychologist says boys will not be allowed to leave Michigan until assessment is complete.

Now looking for 3 bedroom apartment so we can continue nesting plan. STBX is going to be upset with this decision.

[CWOL]

That's awesome, good for you Jimbo!

[J5K]

Found a 3 bedroom apartment. Going to fill out paperwork and get it tomorrow. I feel like I am in limbo even more now that I have to move the boys to a place 25 minutes away from their school for two weeks.

I have had a hard time sleeping all week. Not very motivated to do much but I have been GALing seeing friends and doing things with the boys on my nights with them. Still having difficulty focusing at work but I am surviving.

I did find a thread from LIBT that is similar to my sitch. His WW left to another state. They have 2 kids and have a similar custody battle and were going through psych evals also. Luckily for LIBT his WW came back and wanted to reconcile. Still need to find his thread in piecing to see the outcome.

Also had a DB session with a different coach to get a new perspective. Told coach my sitch and she says that STBX and I continue to hurt each other every time we act. The fact that we have kids makes this very difficult.

I received assignments to make an objective list between Michigan and Toronto to see what would be best for the boys.
Was also told to read 4 books which I have read 3. The 4th should be coming this weekend.

DB coach says it is important to have both parents in the same city and have 50/50 custody. I agree with her. I told her STBX has not hit rock bottom due to MIL enabling her and funding her good times.

What I still struggle with is letting go of STBX and accepting she no longer wants to be with me. I don't know and cannot accept that we will be a different family tied by the boys. I still have anger and resentment I guess.

There has been NC between STBX and I all weekend. She drops on me last minute that she has a doctor's appointment next Tuesday in Toronto. Well it's a holiday weekend there and I am sure she is going back for a party of some sort with OM. Since Mondays and Tuesdays are my days with boys I now either need to take vacation days to watch them or find some other means of child care.

I slept in today and went and changed the oil in the car. Out of nowhere I started to cry and mourn the loss of my M again. Came back to parent's house and slept some more. All in all not a good day but I will try and end it better. Trying to stay positive.

[Vanilla]

Just checking in to offer big hugs

V