If you are very worried about money. Then start mediation. Split assets and come to a financial agreement.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
While DBing, I'm trying not to lose site of the fact that this may go all the way through. And if so, to make sure financially I'm not screwed, as much as thats possible.
When she comes to me with this stuff, I just don't want to have a stone wall, which would force her to go through a lawyer from the start. I know no matter what we will need to have one at the end to check over each of our wants, more importantly mine.
I had 1 phone consultation with a lawyer and I think I need to have a few more to make sure I'm not caught in a bad spot and not prepared
M:13 years Known her for 30 years! Me: 40 W: 38 Kids: 17, 11, 7, 7 BD: 02/07/2016 Found EA: 3/22/2016 Told of 2 PA's: 4/8/16 Got Papers: 6/15/16
Scotch, you need to look at the financial side of divorce as a business deal. Take the emotion out. Start mediation if you feel that will protect you.
Divide assets and debt now, come to an agreement on how house proceeds will be split and go from there. You will have a very hard time being "neighborly friendly" and detached if you are worried about financials.
So decide what you are MORE worried about, detaching & remaining friendly or saving $$$$.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
I guess if I consider what I'm more worried about, at first I think saving my marriage. But if I'm honest about where we currently are, it pretty clear shes going to go ahead with this, which means I should focus on the divorce itself.
I have found out that the EA guy is on his way back to Chicago now. He's moving back here. Should be here by this weekend. Thats going to make this more complicated for sure!
Also my W had a friend call her in the early hours of Monday to tell my W her husband was killed in a car crash. She told me about it Monday before I left for work and has since been civil to me. I guess her attention is now directed elsewhere. Maybe this can be a new perspective even if this continues to go forward
M:13 years Known her for 30 years! Me: 40 W: 38 Kids: 17, 11, 7, 7 BD: 02/07/2016 Found EA: 3/22/2016 Told of 2 PA's: 4/8/16 Got Papers: 6/15/16
Hi Scotch Just caught up on your situation as I am mostly on the newcomer board but since I have come to the realization that my STBX had an EA to help her out the door and once filed for D a PA affiar, I decided to also visit this board.
You are in a tough spot in terms of to DB or protect yourself. I only say this becuz i know and went through it
I wanted to keep the faith that I could resurrect my R and get to a new place but she said she was done. I tried to DB a bit but she said divorce and I had to protect myself. I am screwed financially but thank goodness didn't listen too much to my heart and move out. That would have been the kiss of death
So while I hope you can turn things around, if you really feel it won't happen you need to figure out plan B and get a good lawyer! whatever you do, don't move out of the house!
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Thanks! I've had many people tell me not to move out and have read that a bunch of places as well. So at least I know I can't do that. She mentioned it once about if I was gonna move out and I said no, this is my house.
It's apparent that this isn't going to be turned around any time soon. At least at best, years down the road. So having said that, I do need to get to more consultations so I have someone ready.
The EA got here last night from Houston. I'm 99% sure she went to see him, she didn't get home until 11:45p.
M:13 years Known her for 30 years! Me: 40 W: 38 Kids: 17, 11, 7, 7 BD: 02/07/2016 Found EA: 3/22/2016 Told of 2 PA's: 4/8/16 Got Papers: 6/15/16
You CAN do both, but you have to realize that the divorce is a business deal and DB'ING is more about YOU!
Think of it like this. You and your neighbor work for competing companies, you still smile & wave as you see each other. Still say0, "Hey, did you catch the Cubs game last night?" (And if you tell me you're a Sox fan that might be the first problem you correct, lol) What goes on socially with your neighbor has nothing to do with your jobs. Make divorce the same, hire a lawyer or mediator and make a list of assets/debts and go from there. No emotion.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
One of my twins throws the biggest tantrum when we take down the W flag. She stood in front of the tv the other day screaming, "come on get with it, i want to put the flag back up"
Originally Posted By: Scotch
twinmom,
THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A LAUGH! I'm a Cubs fan!
Just did a phone consultation with a lawyer and she sees no reason I couldn't get 50/50 visitation. Made me feel much better!
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Honestly, the reason your M is failing is because there is more than two people in it. It really is that simple. If you can't get the A, or A's, ended then you don't have a chance. Really detach (you haven't done that yet, not in the least), really do GAL (you've done very little of that), and really move on.
I guarantee she still loves you but she's lost in the fog right now. You've let that go on too long and now the douche bag has moved there, probably to be with her. A's must be ended by any means necessary for people hoping to save their M's. My wife's A was blow to smithereens in epic proportion by the OM's wife. It was very epic and it worked.
When did my wife stop all the BS and start acting human again? When I really truly gave up on her, got my sh*t together, and had her served with D papers. Snapped her right out of it.
