OFP, I am not caught up on your sitch. So your W filed an injunction? I didn't realize she could do that without more evidence of potential harm? Not using any correct legal terms here, sorry folks. ... But I am glad you were not able to pursue her, harass her, etc, as that would have only made things worse.
OFP & DDJ, you guys are correct. You do not want a broken person back! No one does! When our spouses pull the rug out from under us, we are hurt, fearful, and desperate. We talk a lot about how they are in a fog & not thinking clearly. But we are also in a fog; we see our life slipping away in front of us and we just want to hang on tighter! ... If we were thinking clearly, we would not want this person that is rejecting us and hurting us.
We want someone that we can trust, someone that respects us, and we want a person that loves us the way we love them. They are not this person when they are having an A or walking out on us. However, we have seen this person change. We feel that we are changing, and often breaking apart. So that is why the most important thing we can do is to focus on ourselves and LET THEM GO. ... This is also a way to regain our self respect and tell them we will not stand for mistreatment, we are not your plan B, and we value ourselves more than that. ... If we can achieve that goal, we can be happier and stronger people, and that--THAT--is what attracts people to us. And over time, these actions are what may attract them back to us.
That is not to say that we don't ever want them back. I don't think many of you can even know that right now. It depends on what they learn on their journey and who they present to you if and when they do come back. When my H came back to me he was weak, vulnerable, and broken. However, he was remorseful, transparent, and patient. He was willing to do the hard work and do whatever it took to make it work, and he did this while knowing I could give up at any moment. You see while he was gone that year, I had no way of knowing if he would ever come back and what it would look like if he did. All I knew is that my future was uncertain.
Esame, we are all guilty of this! It is the hardest thing to do. That is why you keep reading again and again that DB is for you and it is a way of life. Yes, I am still working on this every day, even with H by myside.
Jz, check out your thread. Sorry for all the 2*4s. Like I said, I am all about the tough love!
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
