It's been a busy week for me--working a lot and kids' games every evening--so I am sorry this is late! You asked me to answer your questions and so I will give it my best shot. Your sitch is a bit confusing to me, so I may answer your questions with more questions.
"Questions: 1) It's ok to spend some time together right?"
So here is my question to you; if your H has feelings for another woman, do you want to spend time with him? And if so, can you think about why you would? ... If you want to spend time with him because you are hanging on to what you used to have, then I do not think ultimately that will work in your favor.
It's hard to think clearly because right now you are scared and your confidence is shattered. I am willing to bet that your most confident self would not even want to spend time with someone that would lie and cheat on them. Can you try and access her?
I see that you are working on GAL--golf, softball, exercise, gardening--and that is great! Keep that up! ... I also want you to think about detachment; that is much more difficult and can take a long time. Baby steps. The first step is to respect yourself enough to say "I really don't WANT to be snugged up in bed next to a man that is thinking about OW."
"2) Why is he delaying telling me he wants to be done? Know he fears aftermath so that's prob why. Should this give me any hope? Fear that since H shared his feelings to friend and has support that the outcome he seeks won't change."
I don't think you are going to like this answer any more than my first answer. I have no clue as what this guy is doing and what this guy is thinking. I am one who thinks that mind reading never works. If you read in my thread when my H was in the fog, I tried to understand what he was doing/saying all the time. I was often wrong.
None of us have any idea what your H is doing and thinking. Let's look at two extremes: He could be riddled with self doubt, not sure what his feelings even are, and know in his heart that what he is doing is wrong, and he may not even want to let you go! OR, he may be knee deep in the fog, in love with OW, its a full blown PA, and it's been going on for a long time, and he has been planning his escape for months, maybe years, and it's just a matter of time... We have no idea.
When people are in any kind of A, they are not thinking or acting rationally. That is why the focus here is to work on detachment and believe none of what they say. Try your best not to mind read and hang on his words and actions--we have no idea what he is going to do and it can go either way. You have no control or influence over that either. ... But if you can learn to detach and get stronger without him, you will feel better, and you will ultimately be more attractive in his eyes.
It took me 10 months to really start moving forward without H. This is when he noticed, did his 180, and came back. It was also due to a mixture of things happening in his own sitch that had nothing to do with me.
"3) H gives me somewhat of heads up when going out to eat/running etc. and when coming home..guess something? I have been doing the same is that ok?"
I don't think this matters in terms of your outcome. No reason to ignore people and play games. I think it is common courtesy when you live with another person to let them know when you are coming and going.
"4) I have been picking and choosing responding to his msgs. I will respond w/ "ok" and "have fun." ?"
I think that is fine. No reason to play games, ignore him, etc. However if you treat him as though you are naturally starting to lose interest in him, that will most likely get his attention. Men like the chase. Let's not secure you as his plan B if OW doesn't work out. You deserve better than that. ... And my dear, I think it's okay to naturally lose interest! He is thinking about OW and plotting to leave you. ... Do you want to pine over him? Really?
"4) Will feelings for his crush fade?"
I have no idea. We cannot mind read. In fact he may have no idea. Often it is said here that things can get worse before better. Perhaps his feelings need to die naturally. That is why I said, let's not let him think you are the plan B. ... Also, I am sorry to say this, but I would be surprised at this point if this is only a "crush." I know you don't want to think about it, but most likely there is a lot going on between these two. Most men do not plan to leave their W for a crush. They have tasted a slice and now they want the whole pie.
"5) We have talked briefly about small projects need to do like mulching etc. is that ok? One big project he mentioned but think bc he was telling parents."
Sure, why not. You can do projects--big and small--and keep on living your life the way you chose. Does it mean he will stick around because he is planning longer term projects? Maybe. Or maybe not. I have no idea. ... But, I do want you to start asking yourself this--do you really want to keep investing so much of yourself with a man that is thinking about OW? Possibly sleeping with her?
I am coming at you with 2*4s because I want to open your eyes and prepare you for the worst. I have been through the worst and have come out on the other side. It wasn't until I started to let him go, discover my worth, and start realizing I deserved better, that I started to get his REAL attention.
You asked for answers. These are my honest answers. -Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
