Some days are better than others

[EDF]

Last few days we've had very little contact. In the few days leading up to confronting her I had been keeping myself busy/GAL, and have continued that since the confrontation Tuesday. I have been positive/upbeat when at home, but not really interacting with her unless she initiates.

Last night she started some light friendly conversations about our cats' shenanigans, our martial arts classes, etc. I listened/validated but kept my responses brief and was the one to end the conversations.

I will mention that when I next saw her after the confrontation she said she wanted to "explain things", and I listened to her talk for almost half an hour.

She generally downplayed things more. She talked about her feelings some, and how she had been so depressed and had been using emailing him to give her some happiness. She again tried pointing out how she hadn't sent him any naughty pics or seen him in person for a couple months, but didn't actually say it was over or that she wouldn't do it again. She said she was sorry she did it to me because I'm such a great guy, but she wasn't sorry she did it. She claimed she didn't want to just give up on the 17 years of marriage. Kinda all over the place... I just listened and validated where appropriate.

Have avoided any pursuing behaviors and just interacting when she initiates. But now I have a possible dilemma I'm not sure how to respond to. I got an email (I'm sure my wife got it too) that there's an 80s dance party tonight.

If she decides to go, I will just stay detached, do my own fun activities, and she will do whatever she wants. However, if she actually invites me, or texts me from the club inviting me how do I respond?

I know sex is a 'no thanks' at this point. I know her inviting me wouldn't mean everything's fixed, and if I went with I wouldn't want to be overly enthusiastic/pursuing/touchy.

I know my phone coach would say if she invites me then feel free to go, but with me taking a harder stance now and telling her she has to fight for me if she wants me, should I view an invite as an opportunity for me to have casual fun and for her to see the upbeat me? Or should I view it as a temp check and an opportunity to allow her to miss me... and so tell her I already have plans?

Interested in any thoughts! I am leaning towards that if she invites me ahead of time I would be willing to go, but if she goes by herself and then texts me, I would be busy.

The possible 180 out-of-left-field option would be if she doesn't mention it and doesn't seem to be going, that I go out myself to the dance party. Maybe I just have fun. Maybe I text her from the party and she can ask to join me if she wants. That feels like pursuing, but it would also be a huge unpredictable 180 for me to do something like that.