Why is Raven black?

[ciluzen]

So, I awoke last night from a fitful sleep full of dreams.

I had been out looking at apartments and also possible houses with my realtor all day. It was depressing. Our sellers market is driving people to pick up rentals due to lack of houses for sale. There are almost no rental houses and very few apartments. Crazy!

My realtor mentioned she had not heard from H about the inspection report and that we needed to respond by today, so I had texted him that morning to tell him she had emailed it (he seldom checks his email). He hadn't responded. So, after fighting myself all day, I called him. It was a workday, I knew he would be grumpy and tired, and...he was. He took my apology asking him to do something as sarcasm, when I actually was apologizing because I knew he would be tired after his second day back at work after a very late flight. He was so brittle and cold that I cried after getting off of the phone. So much for detaching and being non-reactive.

Anyway, I dreamed about confronting Bubbles. It was tense but went well and I took from that the message that I need to let go. I've already cut her out of my life.

I dreamed about living in an apartment complex I haven't previewed yet, its still under construction. I felt really good about it. I've decided to cancel my appointment with my realtor today (I should not be buying right now) and try to see the apartment tomorrow. I really think this was my subconscious telling me which direction to go. I've been having trouble figuring that out, the whole "what I want" thing. For once I have no input from H.

Its funny, that was one of the things that set me off last night. I told him we needed to talk about things before mediation, spousal support being one. I told him I wouldn't pay for a house outright and that I might rent an apartment right now, anyway. That I might need him as a co-signer, ether way. He immediately took that as me asking him to decide what to do for me and got really upset and agitated...said if I wanted advice or opinions he'd give it, but he wasn't making decisions for me. Very upset. I had to explain that I was making my own decision, that I wasn't even asking for advice or input from him, but letting him know that I might need a co-signer as my income was too small to get me anything alone and since we have no D yet, nothing to say what it will be in writing. He agreed to do that by saying, "ok, co-signing doesn't scare me. I'm not afraid to co-sign." I feel that was a very telling choice of words paired with that reaction.