As V said, I also get it. It's tiring the whole ordeal w/WW. By one hand she seems very fragile, confused and the truth kind of going crazy. By other hand, she is still making the choice of leaving her husband and mainly her four kids behind.
If I said that you may change things around and approach her in a more sweet way that she can understand you both could talk and "maybe" get to some conclusion to try again, it would be nice to see that people can make mistakes, can change and can get on the right track again.
Some people do that and they do not regret their decision to try and keep what was built so long time ago.
But I get that it is hard to just jump on a wagon and make it roll. I think it would be easier if you could see that she is genuinely regretful of her choices and let go on helping so much this OM.
I guess that deep inside your heart you know that she wouldn't do that if there was nothing else connect to it. You know this woman for years and unless she totally lost her mind, she has very strong reasons for destroying a family this way.
Regarding the kids, they are young, but not that young. And they have their own opinion about what she is doing. It certainly hurt them in many ways to feel abandoned by their mother. Because as much as she wants to play mamma bear, it is not and won't be ever the same.
She left them, and they probably went to many different stages of this separation. Feeling guilty, regretful, angry, sad, worthless, and so on. This is a very critical age and they need a more solid ground to grow their character.
The mind, body and soul are telling RD to let go, it is just up to that old heart to decide it when time comes, if it comes.
I also think that with that comes some decisions about the boundaries. The free coming and going in your house. I know she has rights about the house, but I am quite sure that she may agree in having a visitation schedule so everyone has a better schedule and no surprises.
It is important that the kids are also respected since they are young adults. The calls and texts also should be limited by just kids subject.
Of course, this is all my own opinion. You are the only one to decide what, when, where and how. She may need for once to taste what she is cooking. She decided to leave her family, that is when she gave it all up for a life she wants.
The whole marry go round may start again and she may play the poor me card, but then it is also something she did more then once and is still going around in circles, playing with too many peoples lives.
Maybe you are right, maybe it is time for her wakening to reality. My mom use to say: There is no hell, what we do here, we pay here. I guess she is right on that one.
Good to know that the weather is getting better and you can again enjoy the bike rides. Lovely, just bloody lovely!!!
RD, I actually get because I am kind of tired too. I am tired of feeling the bastard doesn't want me, doesn't love me, doesn't give a D*** to me and I am there, just like a little puppy waiting to be picked up.
Hope I didn't step on your toes and did not hurt your heart. You are a good person, a busy father and deserve better. When it is all settled and done, it was you that stayed behind cleaning the mess and doing the heavy lift. Raising four teenagers is not an easy task. Congrats to you!
Love and hugs to you and your gorgeous kids. They look really lovely RD, you are a beautiful family. It is just so ashamed we live so far, it would be nice to go out for dinner with all our kids.
