I want to respond - I don't need you to be concerned about me, I need to know when you'll be leaving the station.
I would think you would find more disturbing that your wife said that she did not want a mistake that they made.....costing her the department............instead of saying costing her the marriage!
Seriously, you can clearly see where her priorities lay.
Do not let her replace a no contact letter with this text. They are two separate things altogether.
In the NC letter, she cannot put it off on you having a problem about them contacting each other, the way she did in this text. She must state that their affair was a terrible mistake and she will not have any contact whatsoever with him, tell him to not try to contact her. She needs to tells him that she loves her husband and will forever regret the hurt she has done to her husband, and she is going to do whatever she has to do to be the wife her H deserves.
After you see the letter, you either mail it or observe her send it by email. Then, you set up a transparency plan, where she is accountable for her time and activity. She doesn't say when and how it will be done, you are the one who says. You already know how to see her messages, etc. It seems that most people are able to check the phone and know whether or not the WW and OM still contact each other. So, the "how" it's done and "when" you check it is entirely up to you....and not her.
If I could read your mind, I bet I would see where you are a little scared of pushing it that far. You don't have to do it right now. Just don't wait long. Who knows what OM means by saying he was planning on moving "soon". Does that mean in three months, this year, or when? I find it a little strange she knew nothing about his plans to move. He didn't ask her any questions about them, or you, .........or anything?
Do not put anything past what they are capable of doing. You are a smart man, but love does cause us to be blind to a lot. It will be not be easy if you think she's hurting.
I am sure you would just like to put this all behind you and get on with living your lives together. I hope you will stand firm, b/c I think she just might make it. Not to say she doesn't have a long ways to go, but at least she did check about him moving to another location. Take that as positive step forward.
Oh, another word of caution. Don't let any excitement you might feel show in front of her, right away. May sound crazy to you, but a lot of WW's will see it and then do something to kick the H where it hurts. Just present a calm man to her. Be polite, pleasant, and validate her. Tomorrow begins a new day.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
