I am fairly new to this community, and have created one other thread where I was looking for support. I have read the DR book, and have implemented some strategies like GAL. I have tried the going dark technique as well since previously, I was constantly around, I decided to back off completely.
I gave my H the divorce papers yesterday (which he requested that I signed), and my heart is just broken. He has said some pretty hurtful things to me in this process like how he is not in love me, how he just cannot be married to me, and how he is not the person that can be there for me anymore. I believe my husband is emotionally incapable of attaching himself to someone if he's been let down by them, and I know I Have let him down in the past. I'm also afraid he cannot reattach to me because of the other woman that he had an EA with.
I am having a lot of trouble accepting what is happening, and everything within me wants to keep fighting to save this marriage. I don't know when to stop, I don't know when it's just too late. Something within me just feels like this is a HUGE mistake, and it's not what we need. The counselors I've spoken with, and the close friends that are here to support me have told me that none of this makes sense. My husband's boss, who has 7 children, just walked out on his wife as well. So I know the environment my husband is in does not help our situation by any means.
I guess I am just writing to see where I should go from here. Once the papers are filed, there really isn't any turning back, and I know that my H will never turn back, even if he wants to. I know I cannot fix him, but the pain and heartache this is causing me is unbearable. I honestly don't know how to go on with day to day life. This doesn't mean I am not applying the strategies in the DR book, it just means that I am an emotionally hurt in a way that I never imagined I could be. I want to beg and plead with him to stay, but I know I will not bring myself to that level because I did do that in the past. I just don't get how someone can walk away when they see their spouse is willing to do everything for them. I can't grasp my head around it, and I am hoping someone here can be a means of support for me.
We do not have any kids, and have been married 4 1/2 years. We separated in November of last year, and have made huge amounts of progress since. But, out of the blue, about a month ago, he dropped the D bomb, and we've been moving forward with that process ever since. Any guidance is helpful.
