So happy that in the midst of so much pain you are finding ways to look inside yourself, figuring out what direction to take and set goal to improve in a way you will love the outcome and your W may regain that faith she lost.
Life is not easy at all and we all have room for improvement. I hope you take the time to find the way to improve yourself and make your life better with your W or without her.
My humble advice is that you take a little step at a time so you don't set too many or too big of goals and then get disappointed or demotivated.
Wish you all the best and please keep posting, you have a lot of good friends here.
