I need an opinion....as W has been packing up things (most everthing is done), she took all the pictures/wall art except for one. It is a block of text that reads "all my love, all my life". It was a gift from me a couple valentines day ago. That is the ONLY thing she left, and its still where it originally was.
Not sure if this is pursuing or not, but, it was a gift to her from me. Its not mine. Looks like she doesn't want it, but its very glaring seeing that as the first thing in the morning.
She has a truck with a bunch of stuff in it she's taking. I wanna put it in the trunk without her knowledge. One of our past care-free interactions was hiding things on eachother, little things that didn't really matter. Or should I politely say, "this was a gift to you, its not mine" Or just keep it, take it down/put it away and say nothing about it? Whaddya think?
Do not react and don't do or say anything. As hard as it is, simply ignore it and don't try to over-analyze why she did it or what (if anything) it means.
Once she is moved out, feel free to get it out of sight if that helps you. Whatever/Whenever you choose, make sure you're doing it because it feels like what you need and not because you're trying/hoping to get a certain reaction out of her or trying to read her mind.
Me, WW - Upper 30s BD - Apr 1 2016 EA - Apr 7 2016 (discovered; ongoing for months; did not confront right away) Confronted wife about EA - May 17 Wife sent NC email to OM - July 11
Do not react and don't do or say anything. As hard as it is, simply ignore it and don't try to over-analyze why she did it or what (if anything) it means.
Once she is moved out, feel free to get it out of sight if that helps you. Whatever/Whenever you choose, make sure you're doing it because it feels like what you need and not because you're trying/hoping to get a certain reaction out of her or trying to read her mind.
You're right. And I was kind of thinking that as I was typing, so it will stay until she moves.
I'm been noticing a LOT of messages recently. I have so far been unreactive to them. I'll continue to do so, she'll be out in a couple weeks. Unless its like dirty dishes in the sink, I'll pick those up, only because I like a clean sink/house. I don't think there's a message there.
I should add to the whole cleaning thing. That's one of my goals, to do more around the house, to care about doing those things around the house. She was always the one cleaning, and did keep everything clean. I never really had a chance. So now that I do, I'm consistenly doing it and I actually really enjoy it.
Was that one of your wife's complaints, that you didn't do your share of the household chores?
It was. My rebuttal had always been "but you ALWAYS clean, so there's nothing for me to do!" I realized that I was wrong there and could have stepped up. I was lazy, I fully admit it.
But now its different, I'm just doing it because I want to, I'm not doing it because I think she wants me to.
I have never known a woman to divorce a man and break up her family b/c he didn't do his share of the housework! Never! Complain about it? Oh, sure. But if that was a woman's only reason to break up a family, she would have to be the most shallow, self-centered, spoiled, pampered, entitled princess......ever! I mean, seriously guys..........do you buy that B.S.?
Let me tell you what I have learned to watch for when a newcomer LBH comes to the board saying his W wants out of the M. If he is not some miserable excuse for a man, and he really wants to do whatever it takes to save his M but his W refuses............I ask myself, "So, what's the problem here"? If he gives a laundry list of her complaints, and at the top of her list is him not doing enough housework........it sets bells ringing.
The W may have gripped about it (and other things) for years..........but if she is wayward......it is only her "excuse". It is not her real reason for wanting to end her M. In fact, a wayward wife will probably fall back on her old complaints that she use to have about what all she didn't like about him. But here's the thing..........if she has become wayward, he could try to fix every one of her complaints.......but it would not fix her heart, and that is where the waywardness lies.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I understand. I was similar to you with regard to the household stuff. The nice thing about being lazy with regard to household stuff is that it's an easy problem to correct. The downside is that even though it's been corrected, it doesn't seem to really matter much.
Of course, I've got this little ferret that I rescued. You can't really potty-train a ferret. He drove my wife nuts. When she moved out I asked her if she wanted the ferret. I think she fumed about that for five minutes. It was a nice distraction.
