Now, I can't say for sure that there isnt OM, but I can say that we have always had a trusting relationship in that regard. Neither of us would hide something like that. We'd just come out with it and end things. I guess it's always possible, but that hasn't been our bag, ever.
Just for another perspective, I would've also said that about my WW until very recently. We've been married almost 17 years. She's always been honest and forthright, would always complain vehemently about how e.g. a cheating girlfriend treated her brother, and she considered her honesty and her sense of justice to be some of her best qualities, and I would have agreed.
The OM has a girlfriend of 7 years with two little kids together. For the past 6+ months WW has been in an EA with him, and actively trying to seduce OM into a PA. She thinks it's not good for the kids if their parents are not in a loving relationship, so she doesn't feel any remorse about what she is doing.
We have no kids, but cats which she calls our "girls" and loves snuggling with. She considers my parents to be like the perfect parents she never had. While snooping I came across a Pros/Cons list she started recently trying to decide whether to leave the marriage or stay.
The Pros column only had one item: "explore dating other people". The Cons column had about a dozen things, including that she felt she wouldn't be able to afford to keep the cats (and wouldn't want to split them up) and that she would possibly lose the in-laws.
Apparently she is still leaning towards dating other people.
What everyone says about the WW literally being not the same person is spot on. I see glimpses of her underneath, but the new person is definitely at the wheel.
I agree. Not sure if I mentioned before, but she did have an ex-boyfriend start contacting her soon after we first split. He pulled this stunt a couple years ago, and she rejected him. He's always been enamoured with her. Kind of a sleazeball if you ask me to take advantage of the situation she was in. He professed her love and said he'd leave his wife and kids for her; basically telling her everything she wanted to hear at that time. There was no PA and any EA she was having was only him telling her all the things she wanted to hear. HE was always calling her, never the other way around. I confronted her about it, and she said she had no idea what she was doing with that, saw zero future with him and wanted us to work. It was no strings attached attention, pure affection from his end (lust on his part, if you ask me) in a really rough stretch in her life. She has since ended it and there's been no indication that anything like that has been happening.
