I understand how hard this is. In the beginning of my situation, I was consummed with the idea that there could be OP. It bothered me so much. And if I knew earlier, i think it would have made it so I didn't live in limbo quite so long. But now, i really don't care anymore. If that's the case, good for him. I know my value as a loyal person and if he cheated it devalues his character. It says nothing about me. I am now actually grateful that it was not thrown in my face.
My husband made up really bizarre lies as well. I don't know if he was lying to himself to justify his actions? But that no longer matters either because I know my truths. I also know my flaws.
it's so easy to diagnose our spouse as narcissistic, abusive, sociopathic, on the spectrum etc. We are looking for answers as to how they are capable of hurting us like this. It is also easy to use the abusive label. it is easy for them to use the abusive label on us. I think the truth is that everyone has some level of dysfunction and the nature of relationships just brings it out and intensifies it. None of us really go into our relationships truly prepared for how to recognize and deal with it when things start to go down hill.
Zues has a really good analogy regarding cards and abusive labels somewhere. I will try to find it and link it for you. Or maybe another poster knows where it is?
It can be so frusturating to hear the words " just work on you". What the hell does that mean? She's the one that left a path of destruction and destroyed a family and broke vows! But I think those words really just mean that no matter how angry you are, or unfair and irrational your spouse's actions are, you have no control over them. You do have control over yourself and how you will navigate through this though.
