I've been reaching out to a friend of mine a little more, showing and sharing my confusion and letting myself be guided by her. She's very good at steering my attention back on to myself.
This is a quite a new thing for me, so I guess it counts as a 180 too.
I've also reconnected with a few people I knew a little from a while ago (ranging from people I knew a handful of years ago, to someone who was on the same course as me).
I've been very, very careful about what I've said, and to who I've said it to, over the past seven months or so. I've not mentioned H's affairs to anyone that knows both of us (I also work part time in H's industry, and he's very well known in his field). I reckon a couple of the older, savvier ones might have already guessed, but I've not said anything.
I've only talked about it all with a few people, and ones that don't know H. It's interesting to hear their take on it all. It's helping me put together my version, my narrative.
Not saying that my narrative is one in which I emerge without any part or responsibility...not at all. But it's one where he is less of the golden boy that I (along with MIL, my mother, his friends and the industry) considered him to be.
I also think he considered himself to be a bit of a golden boy as well maybe? If he has always been treated as such, so I guess it would only follow that he would believe that.
So getting older, becoming aware of the next, younger generation in his industry (and one which is extremely aware of social media, of themselves as brands in a way that he never was, or was much interested in) must have come as a shock to him.
That, along with the recent suicide of a mentor of his...well, I feel a huge amount of compassion for the chaos, confusion and frustration he must be feeling,
