Thank you so much everyone - I was very touched by your kind comments. I did cry last night and I still feel a little fragile this morning. The ending of a marriage is sad, and I'm partly relieved too.
The more difficult thoughts I've had - are H and OW celebrating his D tonight? - Maybe I'm deluded all along and living with me is hard going etc.
The more positive thoughts - I'm happy with myself. I honoured myself, honoured my vows and did my best in excruciatingly tough circumstances. I can sleep at night and live in peace with myself. I guess the positives outweigh the difficult thoughts.
The one thing I'm toying with is do I want to send a closing message to XH - along the lines of thank you for the many good times we had and good wishes for the future? I'm struggling a little between - would that help me? Does he 'deserve' that? Would I rather remain silent? I feel that to write about forgiveness would be premature - I am getting there, but haven't got there yet.
Also, I feel a little as though I'm 'spectre of the feast' now - at a place where none of us want to be. I know there are many positives in my sitch and where I am is no bad place to be - but do people really want to hear from a 'failed' DBer (I know I'm not a failure as such, but you know what I'm saying....)
Anyway, I'm off today and meeting up with an old friend for lunch, then I have a yoga class later. I'm working away tomorrow and Friday and have treated myself to a night in a nice hotel. We're going out for lunch on Friday at work and I have 'divorce group' plans on Friday evening, then a family party (that I don't feel like attending) on Saturday - busy times.
Thanks once again to you all. Every time I feel low, I will revisit your kind comments and remind myself that I am indeed fabulous xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
xx
