14 days of sheer hell, part 6

[DDJ]

It's now 5am, been wide awake since 4. S4 wakes up during the night and asks for his mother. She came in at probably 1 or 2, a nice respectable time for someone working on her marriage.
I tell our S that mom is in the next room, do you want to lay by her, I'll take you there, to which he replies no.

I feel no anxiety, just a sense of death of any emotion towards her. No sadness, no joy, nothing in the moment.
Not feeling anything is actually making me sad, thinking about the last 7 weeks.

I can't believe it's been 7 weeks. I tried to stop my WW from cheating, never going to happen. God has other plans for me. He does not put obstacles in our path so that we can trip, fall and stay down. He gives us strength to fly, when we are ready. Not a day sooner.

I might not have DBd to save my M but I'm saving myself and I would have taken that 5 years ago when I said my vows.