I understand how that might bother you. But I actually realize there are amicable divorces in this world. I don't know the reason for their D, but I have seen ex's become friends after, because they actually realized they were better off that way.
I assume you know more behind that situation and if it is truly something to be concerned about, or it just makes you a little jealous. Which is a very normal feeling.
he sounds like a wonderful guy, and you sound very happy, actually. Scared, but happy.
Maybell, do you know the saying "don't borrow trouble"? Well....don't. Unless he's giving you a reason to doubt him, let this one go. I know plenty of Xs that are friends, good friends. One of my girlfriends even moved into her Xs place while her house was being re-done. Mr. P and I aren't friends, per say, right now, but we are quite friendly, and it's not out of the realm of possibility someday. I know that's never going to happen with you and Mr Fantastic, but don't project your relationship with him onto New Guy.
If NG is giving you a reason to doubt, pay attention. If he's not, don't make one up.
Yes, it takes a LONG time to get over that fear that the other shoe is sure to drop and it's just a matter of when. [Her NG] and I have been together seriously for almost 5 years and I still fight that sudden rush of fear. I try to just take a deep breath and remind myself that I can't predict or control the future and I deserve to just enjoy the Now. I'm so glad for you! Where are you going?
Mozz, on good days it just puzzles me. They've been apart a long time now and he takes clear pleasure in calling me Girlfriend. It's in my moments of panic that it bothers me.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I'm with you MB. If I were with a woman I'd want her to stay the heck away from any guys, particularly any she was intimate with historically. I'm not interested in whether she is sad at the inability to preserve a friendship. If she wants a relationship with another guy, then she's not getting one with me.
Now, what you can do about it at this point is another question. I guess from here you can't change him, so you just have to let it eat at you now and then.
Look on the bright side. You can either accept a flawed relationship and deal with some pangs here and there to get something that's overall pretty good, or you can be like me and just wall yourself off from everyone because you aren't willing to come out of your hiding place and deal with the irritating reality that relationships aren't everything we wished they could be. I'm cozy here, but I think you're on the right track...
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Interesting first paragraph, Zues. I've been networking like mad for my job and a side effect of that is aLOT of guys have been offering me their numbers... Not always professionally. It's a totally unfamiliar experience from when I was married.
Also, I had been going to a social dance class for several months and it's becoming clear the male instructor is interested in me. Earlier I had asked NG to join me because i thought it would be fun & sexy, but he said no and I was ok with that because I get a lot of harmless attention that I enjoyed. But recently I went back and the male instructor, who is single, the right age, and interested, offered to teach me to tango... He jumped straight in to putting his leg between my thighs. I felt super vulnerable. Tango is SO intimate. I want NG to come with me now, almost as protection. I didn't stress how uncomfortable I felt, but I did mention what had happened. He doesn't want to go. He said he'd consider going dancing elsewhere.
It happens that the town I go for my lesson is the one where he lived with the ex, and where she still lives. That was his grounds for not going to my class.
So I don't know that he's terribly concerned about protecting his territory.
He's worth it in 100 ways. I like the flaws. I feel like we balance one another. I'm not as panicked as I was, but I do wish I felt more secure. I feel like as the relationship gets deeper there will be some loveliness in him to enjoy and the more I know him the more I learn about myself. Plus it's really nice to get to know someone new more deeply.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
If I were with a woman I'd want her to stay the heck away from any guys, particularly any she was intimate with historically. I'm not interested in whether she is sad at the inability to preserve a friendship. If she wants a relationship with another guy, then she's not getting one with me.
Zues, we get different things from different people. My friendships with guys are different from friendships with women, and I need it all in my life. If you make a woman exclude all men, it's a lot of pressure on you to be all that. I'm not sure that's a good thing.
Before I was M, I had a lot of guy friends, in fact, maybe most of my friends were men. But to be clear, while I was M, I did not have any friendships with men that consisted of anything more than maybe sitting next to one another and chatting at our kids' soccer game or at a party. I didn't do anything social with just one man (who wasn't Mr. P), ever. But I do love being around guys and they bring something to my life that women just don't.
Is it your belief that what I did was out of bounds for you? Not picking at you, just asking for your perspective.
Hmmm.... I have male friends. Mostly from the boards, the actually who have become IRL friends I hang out with. They are taken otherwise now, and I also hang out with their significant others. Together or separately, but usually in a group. I look at them without gender, just as friends who have experienced something similar and we developed a bond.
I agree with Sunny. Friends of the opposite sex offer a different perspective, and it isn't sexual. Somedays I wonder if I am half-guy myself, haha, so it's fun to have friends who bring out that side in me.
My best friend from 7th grade until I was 22 was male. We never, ever had anything romantic. Heck, we took naps after school in my twin bed, my dad would come home from work and wouldn't bat an eye. I really think it is doable.
My exBF had many female friends. And was friends with his childhood GF. Hung out with her alone often. And was friendly with his long term ex-gf, baby momma. I met her a few times. It didn't really bother me.
I also look at it this way. We are not dating as kids anymore. We are all adults who built lives over the years. Many people, ex's and friends of the opposite are accumulated throughout a lifetime.
Did it bother me a little when I found out exbf had dinner with HS GF? (especially bc she's still in love with him). Yes. I got the jealously twang, because I am human. Do I have the right to tell him he can't hang out with his friend of 30 years? God no! And I wouldn't even want him to if he offered, actually. I don't want to break up friendships. I just trusted there was nothing there on his end.
That was kind of a post in response to you, Maybell, and to the general discussion of being friends with a person of the opposite sex.
