The wounds are deep and all the pieces will fall into place only with time. It will never go away from memory, but the pain from it will dissipate slowly as you nurture a healthier life for yourself.
I hope you are busy but still have some time to practice your exercises to help with the PTSD. It is a danger zone as you can trigger longer episodes. Allowing this will set you back faster then you can walk forward, so take some time to practice what helps you emotionally and spiritually.
I do believe that if our core is strong, then our external lives will have little impact in our well being.
IMHO there is nothing wrong to want XH gone for good, totally outside the picture. But there is also nothing wrong acknowledging what was done, why it happen, the consequences of his behavior, the reasons behind his behavior. I feel that even though it is none of your business, it is healthy to acknowledge that some people do get lost and sick.
I know it is not your task to resolve or address his issues, but knowing what, where, why is also part of your growth and freedom.
Knowing all what surround his behavior, will led you to forgive and will also led you to some freedom you haven't been able to touch for long.
Sometimes the only way to get free from our enemies is understanding them, why they do what they do. This gives you clarity and helps you to let go not only him, but the wounds that you carry around.
Hope you are doing better by now. Take good care after yourself and do not let yourself on the side even for a little minute. You are important and you matter.
