Need some help from the DB community! Crunch Time!

[Accuray]

That's why I vote for "go". W is looking at you through the eyes of a skeptic so she's going to see a "half empty" perspective on what you do.

Once when I was married W would complain that she would come home and the kitchen would be messy, so one night I spent two hours cleaning the kitchen before she got home. When she got home she walked in and didn't say anything, and then went to get a glass for some water. The first thing she said was to complain that the glasses were in the wrong cabinet and why don't I know where the glasses go?

That's what you're probably going to be facing right now -- fault finding -- because it reinforces the story she's already told herself.

If you remove yourself from the situation and aren't right under her nose, she can have room to breathe and gain some perspective. Over time she will realize that you really weren't as bad as she told herself, and then she'll start looking for evidence that she may have been wrong about you. That's when she'll start seeing what you *are* doing versus what you're *not* doing.

Living in the same house, with W convinced that it's "too little too late" I don't see any way you're going to cross over into positive territory.

One of the books I read, and I don't remember which one, talked about the "love bank" concept where each thing you do in a relationship either makes deposits in the love bank or takes withdrawals. Once the love bank is empty or running a deficit, one person is going to want to leave.

There are "blockers" that will prevent you from being able to make any deposits regardless of what you do. That's the state you're in, so really nothing positive you do will matter, whereas anything negative that you do will take additional withdrawals.

If you get out from under her, you won't be making withdrawals any more and can give space for the blocker to lift.

Acc