Husband needs support part 2

[Accuray]

Good man tjcran, you will forget the bloody tongue pretty quickly whereas deep scars last a long time.

Don't be fooled into thinking that business is usual for her -- this is stressful for her too I guarantee.

She can be as determined to stay as she wants, but that doesn't mean she will get to.

Stay strong, you'll get through this can come out happy again.

CWOL I do have complete detachment at this point. W could run naked through the center of town with a group of cabana boys and I would laugh and wish her well. I am not impacted at all by anything she does or says and spend zero time thinking about her. That's not to say that I'm bitter or angry, the opposite in fact. If she needs a favor, I'll help her out any time, but from a feelings perspective there is just nothing at all.

I was able to overcome any ill feelings for a few reasons: (1) both W and I were generous through the D process -- I tried to argue to give her more than she was asking for and she argued to take less, (2) time heals most wounds, and (3) I've been in a new relationship for over a year now.

Starting a new relationship with someone else when you're ready is great. You learn again that you have a ton of value, that you're attractive, and with your new DB relationship skills you feel very confident about what you bring to the table. Armed with that confidence and validation, you can look back on your marriage, own what you did wrong, but also see how your spouse contributed to the breakdown. On DB folks tend to take too much responsibility in many cases. That's fine while you're in it because it provides motivation to change, but longer term it's not healthy because you have to give yourself a break.

No one's perfect, and most people cannot be "fixed", but we can all learn better tools for dealing with whatever challenges we have, and that's what it's all about.

Stay strong

Acc