To elaborate on what was probably already a long post, there is another case that I feel like DBing is giving me doubts. My WAW has always said things like "I feel like I'm holding you back from doing things you enjoy." Like she feels guilty into conning me into marriage so that I no longer have the time to do things I used to enjoy doing all the time. In the process of my GAL-ing, my weekends have been filled with X, Y, and Z. All things that I used to do a lot of, but since being married those activities had been tamed down a bit. This is because of family events, friends, couples nights, etc, with the W and friends.
When she found out what I was doing (she wouldn't stop asking, and 'hanging out', 'running around', wasn't doing it for her), she responded a few days later with, "you did more in the last few weeks than you've done in the last year." What I was thinking was, 'well, yeah, because I knew I wasn't going to be hanging out with you, or wasn't going to be going with you to your families, or etc. If we were still trying to work on this, I'd be hanging out with you and asking if you wanted to do these things with me.' But that's not what I said, because it would only re-iterate her already bad thoughts that she's keeping me from being who I want to be while we are together.
I wasn't sure to handle the situation, and still not sure I did it right, but truth is, I'd been perfectly happy doing the things we would've done together over the weekend, but since I knew she didn't want me around, I'm not just going to sit around waiting. These are all things that were a big part of me, when we originally fell in love with one another. And I don't think she wants to hear about how full my life is right now of all these wonderful things I love(d) in the past. And I wanted to explain to her that if we chose to work on our future, I would find a balance between my life, her life, and our life, but she would not believe that to be true. So I think the best thing to do is just continue to GAL, and keep the details to a minimum. But I'm still unsure of how to handle that.
For a WAW that has felt so bad about keeping me from things I love in the past, it's like rubbing salt in a wound that she feels she has created. This makes no since to me and I feel like it's setting me back everytime she finds out what I've been doing. But I just keep chugging on, doubts and all, because I'm not the trained professional in this matter and all I've known in the past is the reason why I'm here to begin with. I just keep forcing myself to check my gut and emotions at the door, and think, what would DB do? I've realized that acting on what I FEEL is right, is usually counter-intuitive and that just sticking to a known plan that's already laid out for me is probably the best way to go.
