Focus on me and my boys

[J5K]

@Sadhub, thank you for the continued support.

@Sandi, thank you for sharing. I can only imagine how difficult it was getting over all those emotions you had.

I wish that someone would have a come to Jesus moment with my WW.

I received a letter this weekend from our cleaning lady that I immediately sent to my L. I am concerned with the statements this person made with respect to my W and how she has been handling the boys.

I really think my W has some sort of disorder. I plan on giving the letter to the psychologist tomorrow as I have my appointment to take one of the standardized tests. I don't want to hurt my W by doing this but I need to protect the boys.

This is the most awful thing I have ever faced in my life because I am not a person who wants to see anyone hurt. I wish there was a way that W could see her actions and what she is doing. I know she does not care about me but now my concern is the boys.

I am praying that God will give me the strength to get through this and make the right decisions for the kids.

@Painter, I spoke to W this morning during the exchange about the clothing. She just spewed anger and said do not speak to me about this. I politely said ok and left it at that.

[J5K]

So STBX calls me just now and says she does not want to fight anymore and wants things to be fun for the boys. She offered to take food out and prep things for them tonight when I get home. I was kind and told her I appreciated her actions. Then she throws the twist that she would like my permission to take the boys to Toronto this weekend because it is a holiday weekend and there are festivals.

I stated that I understand that she would like to do fun things with them. I stated that we have an agreement with the court that allows the boys to visit Toronto once a month which she already did mother's day weekend.

Then she became upset saying this is how we will be co-parenting? I stated that this is what you agreed to and since you filed, yes we need to honor the agreement. She then tried to guilt me to say that if her nephew's birthday was on an off weekend would I not allow the boys to come to his party? I stated that I am not sure and would have to think about it.

She became more upset and said she will now file a motion to take them this weekend. She said that her mother bought season passes for the boys to Canada's Wonderland and that she was going to invite me up there. I stated I appreciated the invitation but since I am no longer your H I prefer not to attend. I stated I am no longer your friend based on the actions you have taken. She then pushed back and said well you filed first. Then she re-iterated that she was going to file and hung up.

I think she is trying to be nice also because the cleaning lady did not show up today at the house and she is trying to figure out what is going on.

I am just baffled at how many fun things STBX can do without having a job.

[CWOL]

Jim,
Those are some pretty crazy things your WW is doing! I guess unfortunately that's why we have the courts, to arbitrate in these situations. With your boys' citizenship I am pretty sure you have the upper hand in Michigan courts against her. Hopefully the psychologist is able to see through the issues here.

[mvgfwd2]

Ha, so you doesn't want to fight - this time! since she wants something from you. The second you give it up she will be back to fighting, guaranteed. Talk about brazen!

[SH_]

JimKao my brother.
I swear you are copying my posts of what my WAW says and does.
I believe that the body snatchers swapped out our W's with alien look alike doubles and the same programming. It is almost eerie the script and manipulation they follow.
I'm gonna run to the library and see if there is a book they check out and read so they know what plan to follow.

In all seriousness, hang in there, keep a good L, and document document document till she gets it. It's not a game, it's a families life they are screwing around with. SMH.

[Ralph88]

Seems you responded pretty well, however after you said no, she continued to stack on the reasons and you slid a little by saying you will see.. Just pointing out. Stay strong and be very mindful of their games and ploys.. The have a lifetime of perfecting womanlyness..

[betterm]

I agree, I think you handled it properly, and I admire you for having to deal with this type of thing with children involved. When I think of how hard this is for me, with no children involved ,it only make me realize how much stronger people are and that I want to be like in the future.

I think you're answer of "you filed, you agreed once a month, that's what we'll adhere to", is perfectly fine. And if she wants to take that to the courts, she's welcome to, but it would likely be hard to overturn that without some sort of life event happening that would cause them to be in Toronto more than once a month.

Good Luck to you Sir, I hope the best, and thanks for allowing me to listen in (yeah yeah, public forum, but still). thanks for sharing. I hope I can provide some value at some point.

[Painter]

So STBX calls me just now and says she does not want to fight anymore and wants things to be fun for the boys. She offered to take food out and prep things for them tonight when I get home. I was kind and told her I appreciated her actions. Then she throws the twist that she would like my permission to take the boys to Toronto this weekend because it is a holiday weekend and there are festivals.

I stated that I understand that she would like to do fun things with them. I stated that we have an agreement with the court that allows the boys to visit Toronto once a month which she already did mother's day weekend.

Then she became upset saying this is how we will be co-parenting? I stated that this is what you agreed to and since you filed, yes we need to honor the agreement. She then tried to guilt me to say that if her nephew's birthday was on an off weekend would I not allow the boys to come to his party? I stated that I am not sure and would have to think about it.

She became more upset and said she will now file a motion to take them this weekend. She said that her mother bought season passes for the boys to Canada's Wonderland and that she was going to invite me up there. I stated I appreciated the invitation but since I am no longer your H I prefer not to attend. I stated I am no longer your friend based on the actions you have taken. She then pushed back and said well you filed first. Then she re-iterated that she was going to file and hung up.

I think she is trying to be nice also because the cleaning lady did not show up today at the house and she is trying to figure out what is going on.

I am just baffled at how many fun things STBX can do without having a job.

Jim, I think you handled this perfectly! You stood firm, but didn't get dragged into an argument.

You can use phrases like "I'm so sorry, but that won't work for me." And then repeat, validate "I understand you are disappointed. I'm so sorry, but it won't work for me." "I'm sorry, I'm going to hang up now and we can talk again when things have cooled off a little."

I think you did *great*.

Sandi, thank you for sharing. That was a very powerful post, I could feel your despair through your words. You are amazing to have done the right thing and acted out of character rather than feeling.

[J5K]

Thank you all for the feedback. I know I still have a lot of work to do on responding with the correct validation responses.

Today I had the ink blot test and MMPI-2 and one other test with the psychologist. Not really sure how it went but I guess I did ok.

All I can say is STBX did not say one word to me this morning when she came to the house to watch the boys.

I still wish she would see that I am not an unreasonable person. She is still in a fog and I am not sure if she will ever get out of it. I guess this will have to go to the bitter end in order for her to learn that she cannot bully everyone.

[SH_]

I don't think it's a fog. I really believe it is alien abduction.

Your doing well, you won't be perfect, but you keep putting in the work and you will come out a better man, father and potentially future husband if that is in the cards.

Try to just act as if, with no expectations and it gets easier. Her ignoring you will start to appear more funny to you than annoying to you. Trust me. I am starting to be at that point.
I was given advice to nice her to death. In public places it starts to become obvious who the miserable party is, if you maintain a light happy demeanor, but it has to be real, and seeing it from a funny point of view really helps me show a real light happy demeanor.