Where are we?

[Coconut]

Cashew, first I'd like to say congratulations on working on your addiction, that is a BIG step in the right direction, not for your M, but for you to be the best you you can.... Keep working on you, that's where your focus needs to be first. You have caused her a lot of pain because of who you were, make the changes you need to so that you don't go back to that, ever, with her or anyone else... Sign up for anger management classes to help work on the verbal abuse, read books on communication, if you don't now, start exercising...

You'll find that there are big differences on how to deal with S who had A and those who haven't, you may need to do a little snooping to find out. My W acted like I was crazy when I asked (3 or 4 times) if she was having an A, but it turned out she was... Oh, and by the way, she still liked to snuggle...

Either way, work on you first... If you find evidence of an affair, don't confront her right away, come here and ask for advice and sit on it for a little, it will help you to deal with the issue when you have a clear head and sound advice..

I agree with backing off physical intamicy for now, that's a big reason you are here, and you need to re-establish that slowly and with her needs and wants in mind...