W - Sure. He is eating an actual meal now. He kept the crackers down so i assumed it was safe to proceed. He is literally defying all odds of what they told me to expect. He def got my resilient character...
ME - Pretty sure he got that from his dad......
W - I'm not the one walking with a knee brace....just sayn
Me - most people would be on crutches. Luckily I have so much muscle....
I know, I should have ignored it....
Me: 38 y/o W: 38 y/o Together: 10 yrs Married: 7 yrs S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15) WBD: Sep '15 W's EA confirmed Oct'15 W Filed Dec '15 Personal awakening Mar'16
In my opinion, you did a great job. You used some humor and you didn't run away and hide under the guise of "going dark." Others may not agree, but I think it was the right measure and a good recovery from the previous debacle. Good for you!
Well, she wanted to exchange the kids in a parking lot, which I was not ok with.
Why not? Why was "getting ice cream" a better choice? Your kids are very young. Do you expect to be meeting for some kind of social event every time they change hands?
Originally Posted By: CRW
Farther, I sent it in anger and frustration. I'm mad at myself for that one.
So how will you prevent from doing that again?
Originally Posted By: CRW
this would be much easier without the kids. for example, S1.5 had tubes put in his ears today. Hard not to communicate with her about that.
This is going to be a VERY long road if you arent able to separate your children's wellbeing from your relationship. Theres some things that you dont need to communicate about - what S ate during the day, whether W forgot a pair of pants, whether S slept well, etc. Those kinds of "check-ins" are pursuing. But when your kid is having surgery, then you need to be able to talk civilly.
How can you be the model of how to communicate in these instances?
Originally Posted By: CRW
And now she jokes around with me
Me - Awe, little bubba! thanks for the video!
W - Sure. He is eating an actual meal now. He kept the crackers down so i assumed it was safe to proceed. He is literally defying all odds of what they told me to expect. He def got my resilient character...
ME - Pretty sure he got that from his dad......
W - I'm not the one walking with a knee brace....just sayn
Me - most people would be on crutches. Luckily I have so much muscle....
I know, I should have ignored it....
I dont think you did any "damage" with the exchange. But if you know you should have ignored it, then why didnt you?
I might have encouraged her "good behavior" instead of joking around. "Glad to hear it. Thanks for being there for him today." and left it at that.
Why not? Why was "getting ice cream" a better choice? Your kids are very young. Do you expect to be meeting for some kind of social event every time they change hands?
NO, I just don't want the kids to feel like they are luggage being passed back and forth.
Quote:
This is going to be a VERY long road if you arent able to separate your children's wellbeing from your relationship. Theres some things that you dont need to communicate about - what S ate during the day, whether W forgot a pair of pants, whether S slept well, etc. Those kinds of "check-ins" are pursuing. But when your kid is having surgery, then you need to be able to talk civilly.
How can you be the model of how to communicate in these instances?
SO, how do I handle it when she is asking my all of those mundane details about the kids? Ignore it?
Quote:
I dont think you did any "damage" with the exchange. But if you know you should have ignored it, then why didnt you?
I might have encouraged her "good behavior" instead of joking around. "Glad to hear it. Thanks for being there for him today." and left it at that.
That is great advice, thanks.
Me: 38 y/o W: 38 y/o Together: 10 yrs Married: 7 yrs S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15) WBD: Sep '15 W's EA confirmed Oct'15 W Filed Dec '15 Personal awakening Mar'16
Glad to hear you're going to stop insisting on a family activity for each child exchange. It's not necessary and these exchanges will become a normal thing for your kids however you decide to do them.
"SO, how do I handle it when she is asking my all of those mundane details about the kids? Ignore it?"
Yes. There's no need to communicate every detail about what goes on when she's not around.
