My Story - the circular nature of causality

[1gr8dad]

HELP. NEED ADVICE!
HELP. NEED ADVICE!
HELP. NEED ADVICE!

I still cry. I'm crying right now.

To date I have decided not to expose WW's affair with her boss/OM. I still assume her family thinks the relationship is platonic and she still denies anything is going on. But recently I feel something is impacting D3's well being.

D3 has regressed over the last two weeks to behaviours that were present at the time of separation. Potty training has taken a step backwards and D3 is waking up and in the middle of the night and insists in sleeping in my bed. D3 is also becoming moody and perverse sometimes.

D3 has reported that she sleeps over at the OM's house and OM and his D8 sleep over at WW's home. It hasn't even been 3 months since we physically separated and I'm concerned about the messaging D3 is seeing. It sounds like WW and OM are already blending their separated families together and playing house.

Further, WW is pushing me for an alternating weekend custody schedule which I strongly believe is really for her to sync with OM's schedule so that they can have the kids on the same weekend. She is even offering me an increase in custody from a 40/60 to a 50/50 so I can quickly agree, but she's not aware I figured out her boss' schedule and thus her ulterior motive.

Our Parenting Councillor (PC) has told us that the introduction of a new partner should follow an agreed upon process and that having play days at each other's homes with an adult of the opposite sex sends a wrong message especially if the child has not completely finished grieving the end of the marriage. We have a meeting with the PC next week to discuss this but WW wants me to agree to the new schedule before then.

My problem is that WW will vehemently deny her affair with her boss because if ever found out, her family will likely alienate her and their employee will likely fire him and even her.

By now I've given up any hope of Reconciliation, but also don't want to create an upset in WW's life because it may grossly affect the well-being of D3, and not to mention we are trying to work together to sell the home and settle the divorce as amicably as possible, and be good co-parents.

My parents are aware of all of this and feel that I should not care what WW does while D3 is with her, and that a new partner is inevitable. They feel I should accept the 50/50 alternating weekend schedule before tackling D3's behaviour issues mentioned, before WW changes her mind.

I feel I want to address the behaviours of WW and her boss while with D3 before I agree to a schedule that enables them to do more of the same.

A friend recommended that I meet with the PC separately this week to address my concerns offline and give the PC the heads up that WW will deny her AP. Then during the meeting next week with WW, myself and PC, I will try to ask for the weekend that doesn't sync with her AP's and see how she reacts in hopes this will expose her motivation.

My parents feel that I am confusing what I think is best for D3 with my desire to expose WW. Admittedly I would feel some sense of justice if her family knew what was really going on instead of them placing 100% of the blame of marriage breakdown on me.

However, I have held my tongue about her affair for 5 months but the desire to expose her at least to the PC is intensified because of the impact to D3.

What should I do?

A) Should I drop the rope and forget about what WW does with D3 on her time. And take advantage of the 50/50. I would then separately address any behavioural issues D3 is experiencing, even though the new schedule would enable WW and OM to easily blend their family's so early after separation.

B) Should I play a rouse to expose WW's ulterior motive of wanting the alternating weekends to sync with her AP's, there-by trapping her to admitting to the affair so we can deal with the proper protocol of blending the family?

Advise would be welcome.
Thanks in advance.