Hearing about your lack of ability to detach makes me feel like less of a failure, I am really struggling with it every day.
I never had an opportunity to beg or plead. When W was hinting about separating, I sat and listened and validated... I think only because I didn't think she would ever actually leave. This was long before I knew anything about this site, my reactions were apparently just luck. But she filed an OFP, preventing me from pursuing, which was probably good because I probably would have pursued hard, without even thinking about IF I even wanted her back.
It is sad that your H returned, and you are having trouble letting go of the hurt. I don't blame you, and I have wondered all along if that is exactly where I would end up if my W ever came back, that I would be so bitter and broken I wouldn't be able to stand the site of her anymore. That I would never ever be able to let it go, that I would never forgive. That I would subconsciously want an apology every single day, maybe forever. That I would want to control and track her, forever. Doesn't sound like a nice way to live, for either of us. Hearing you say that reinforces my feelings of not wanting her back... Maybe that's just me.
