More detachment, less anxiety and the continued joy of limbo

[Phoebe]

Well, another non-sleeping kind of night. By the time I realized I wasn't going to be sleeping much on my own, it was too late to take anything, so I slept from around 3-7:30. Not enough, but it is what it is.

So anyway, about that MeetUp. The people just were not ones I could really see myself working with or hanging out with, so that group is probably a wash. I also need to go reevaluate how I'm finding groups. Is there some dating code that I'm not aware of? I mean, I really am not looking for a date!!!

I saw my therapist yesterday, and that was good. I just talked about the first half of my loss history, and I made another appointment to see him tomorrow. I feel like I just want to get it all out there and see if he can help me make some more sense of it all. He noticed something that I already had not - a sense that many old relationships in my life ended up without me feeling like I understood what the heck had happened.

Then my H walks away, and DING, DING, DING, there's that same lack of resolution again. A second person may help me sort things out a bit better. The grief counselor helps me with that process, but my therapist is looking at the bigger picture, and I need that, too.

After the therapist, I went back to that same state park that's nearby and had a really nike, albeit, short hike. It was a great trail, though, rocky, up and down, roots, a lake, wildflowers, birds, a swamp. I really like this little park. It's small, but has a lot of great trails.

So today, I'm working outdoors again. I have 5 trees to plant, and maybe some other stuff.

I hope everyone has a great day.