What does your lawyer say? In my experience divorce typically ends up with a 50/50 division of assets. The arguing comes into play in terms of how to value everything, but the split is usually non-controversial.
Child support is a state formula, and alimony has some guidelines but there is also some negotiation.
If the house is your biggest asset, you may want to consider selling it and splitting the proceeds. I understand that you want to keep your kids in the house if possible, but a house is just a house. As long as they have an environment where they are supported by a loving parent they will be fine in a different house/townhouse/apartment.
Try your best to avoid responding emotionally to what your wife says/threatens. It really doesn't mean anything and arguing with her is fruitless. Work with your lawyer on a settlement you would be comfortable with and then leave it to the lawyers to negotiate.
As you may know I am divorced, so I have gone through the process. People can have a good relationship with their ex post-divorce, and they can also emerge with a crappy relationship where neither parent can cross the other one's threshold.
The best thing for the kids is if you can come through this process feeling amicable toward one another. To do that, it will be in each of your best interests to be generous. If you can each approach the settlement from the perspective of generosity you'll feel better coming out.
Don't be taken advantage of, but don't sweat the small stuff either. Realistically you need to have enough to live on, and you need to have a safe place to live with the kids.
I have 50/50 custody which means the kids live with me half the time. If you can get that I recommend it.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
