It is funny, but understanding that you're in her head, and she in yours (by your own doing) is the first step to getting her out.
My WW was looking forward to a nice family day for her bday. Instead, she's drinking alone with a friend, who may or may not be OM2. I'm making my mother and son and a great Sunday lunch. Relaxing and living my life.
When I get home I will lay down the rules of our separation. I earn double what she earns so I need to start taking back the power balance. She must know that I'm here, but not here for her.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
i just cannot believe the differences between our 2 separations. last year, i chased her. and that obviously didnt work out.
this time she seems....maybe to be....im not going to say chasing at this point. but very accommodating to me. she is all over the map as far a her emotional level goes. but i only let her see a constant from me. im already painting on my happy go lucky face.
She's probably accommodating cos you're still hooked. Every smile from her, every eyelash flicker sends you back to the beginning.
I said that this would be the most difficult 24 hours of my life but I realise that it's not. I cried a little, but what am I losing. I can only win from here.
What would you lose if you just stayed separated and lived your life without her in it, or in your head?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
ddj, be strong brother. let the feelings come. you will only be stronger because of it.
ive said it before, im fine with out her.
but what im realizing, is the small changes in her that i had always had hoped to see. she is slowly changing. i cant help but hope, that this will work out.
well, she dropped off the kids. i had them for a few hours and took them back. she didnt trick me into any R talks. she didnt ask for anything. she didnt need me to babysit. she just genuinely seemed to want me to have them. that 4 days was to long in her mind for me to be away from them.
who is this woman ??? she even seemed pleasant and kept eye contact and smiled at me a bunch.
she is making so many changes in her behavior in the last month. i cant even keep up. i dont know if she is finally taking the time to get her life in order or what.
she hasnt tried to talk to me about our R in a few weeks. idk if she is waiting for me to say something ( im not going to ) or if she is happy being single.
i hate to say it like this, but she is turning into the woman that i have always wanted. i havent received any D papers in the mail, and as far as i can see, her EA is over. and shes starting to be nice to me, in ways that are brand new.
Mine is disciplining our S, even cleaning the house before she goes out, turning the washing inside out when hanging it on the line (small but quite big change). It's like her new self is emerging. A more confident self - only problem is that that waywardness is still there.
There's no point in having a great wayward wife is there. As Sandi believes, I need that waywardness to die before I can consider letting her back in.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
very good point. having a great wayward wife is, crummy at best. i had that very thing in late 2014 right before we split. she was trying to make up for all the bad she was doing, by being extra good to me, in any way possible. i thought it was great, until i figured out what was going on.
that's part of the reason that i don't trust what is going on in my situation right now. Kind of a too good to be true type thing. i gotta sit back and watch and observe for a little while.
yeah, take your time but detach too. As i've just posted on my thread, show no affection or intimacy towards her at all. See what that does - what do you have to lose?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
