WAW moved out, spewing anger, trying to detach

[Phoebe]

well, SadHub, it sounds like you've had some incredible personal development over the last few days. All of those difficult things going on, and yet you still said that you had a wonderful weekend. That speaks volumes about how far you've come.

I know that you feel badly that the relationship between D17 and your W is deteriorating, but I hope that you will try not to internalize that too much. That is their relationship, not yours. Your D17 is trying to set her own boundaries right now and she is old enough to do so. I think that she can also see that it is your W's circus. She is a pretty remarkable kid who has a lot of clarity on the situation.

All you can do is support D17 and encourage and help her to develop her own support system to deal with the many changes in her own life (GP, therapists, friends, family, etc.). Make sure that she has her own therapist to talk to and to help her sort things out. Unfortunately, you are too close to the situation, emotionally, to offer D17 the impartial perspective she really needs right now on her relationship with her mother. Make sure she has the professional help she needs to help her with that.

I just got out of my own therapist appointment, and I am now wishing that I had seen one earlier in my life. It might have helped me deal with my current situation in a healthier manner. Would have, could have, should have...

I'll check in on you later. I hope that you are doing well today. Pencil smiles!!!

[SH_]

rich,

Thank you for your post. All of it priceless advice and spot on.

Q - How do we eat an elephant?

A - One bite at a time!

[SH_]

Phoebe,

You are right, I am to close to the situation to really give great advice.
We are waiting until she turns 18 to get her into a therapist. I was told the laws here due to her age would allow me and WAW to see the files of any sessions she had until then . D17 asked to wait until then. So just a couple more months, but I do think that will help her.

Thank goodness she is wise beyond her years so she is handling it pretty well all things considered. It just breaks my heart because I love her and WAW and the breakdown in that relationship seems such a waste. But I know I can't control it and I want to stay back as far as possible so as not to influence it.

I work to validate d17 and ask her questions that will help her think through it and encourage her to make decisions without my nor her mothers filter.

Today has been okay. D17 is not feeling well but dragged herself to school to take a final. Hope she is feeling better tonight

[Phoebe]

Interesting point about her records. I can see why D17 would want to insure her privacy in that regard, though it's a shame she has to wait to get it. As we know, though, you need to feel absolutely safe with a therapist or you can't trust them. If you can't trust them, they can't help you.

You've got quite an astute daughter that she understands that already.

You're doing great, SadHub, giving support but yet giving her the space she needs to sort out her own thoughts and feelings.

((SadHub))

[Vanilla]

Praying for you and your lovely D17.

V

[PsySara]

Your daughter sounds like an exceptionally well grounded young woman. She is lucky you are her dad and you are lucky she is your daughter.

Keep eating that elephant one spoonful at a time.

[Phoebe]

Mmmmmm. Chewy elephant.

Good morning, SadHub. Just stopping it to say hello on this beautiful day. Back to Neature!

[Melo]

You are doing great SadHub. Keep doing you and let your W's anger continue to consume her. You are doing the right thing for your D's, and for yourself. Stay strong brother.

[SH_]

Just some short journaling.

I have been feeling numb the past couple of days. It's an odd feeling as moments of sadness start to come up,but disappear before taking shape. Then anger, but same thing. Then desperation. Same thing. I am feeling numb, stuck and just going through motions the past couple of days.

I am sleeping better. Well I am sleeping through the night with just a couple of wake ups but then promptly fall back asleep. Although I am waking up and not feeling refreshed. In fact I wake up sore like I went through a 12 round boxing match. Stiff and sore muscles. Not sure what this is either.

And she still has not signed the paperwork in spite of the text she sent Sunday morning. I sent a text asking last night for the time frame and next step and still no response. She is also making it a habit not to answer my calls to speak with d5 when she has her.

So not sure what stage this numbness is, but I don't really like it.

I am hoping to find some energy and motivation and see some things moving forward. Awaiting a D, yet stuck in a weird kind of limbo here. Ugh. Not cool. Not cool at all.

[Ralph88]

Document every time she doesn't answer and your intent was to speak to child. Text her before and notify you are calling to talk to the child. Take screen shots of phone. Email her and tell her you tried reaching child on x days at x time. Attempt to solidify a specific time to call in the email and continue calling. It will force her hand and give you proof of her keeping the child from you. On your side though, when you do call to speak to child, do not talk about anything else with W.