Jz, I am sorry you are in this spot, I really feel for you. I do believe one day H will see things differently, however for some that can take many months or even years. As a LBS, we have to accept that we cannot force them to open their eyes. I think sometimes the harder we try, the more they resist and deflect.
Sotto, I appreciate your post. I think allowing calmness and breathing are essential. So much of our fear and anxiety spiral out of control, and sometimes we just need to detach from all of the toxic thoughts. ... I will look for those posts. I have noticed that once folks getting into piecing, they don't post as much.
Phoebe, I want to talk more about the nice guy phenomena. I have noticed in reading here that there are some differences between WWs and WHs. It seems that WWs try and tell H that they are unhappy and want change over time, but H doesn't get it or take it seriously. WHs that suffer from nice guy syndrome do not call attention to their needs and bury their feelings. They tend to be people pleasers and have a strong identity in being the good husband, father, and family man. In the case of my H, he had a very strict and emasculating mother growing up. He felt it was his duty to put women first and he lost his own identity and outlet in our family. Since I was the main decision maker, it made it easier for him to blame his unhappiness on me.
I don't like to gender stereotype, but I can't help but notice some common themes. When the Hs come to the boards, they are shocked and desperate, but it doesn't take them long to admit that WW was trying to reach out to them for some time. Seems that more Ws (LBS) can look back and see signs that H was detaching, having a MLC, but they were not clear in telling W what they wanted and needed. Have others noticed this?
Esame, thank you. Keep reading and posting! This is a great community. This is a very tough journey, but you will get through it.
I decided to go back to MC with H. I am going to try and keep it more matter of fact and seek advice. Perhaps look at it like a business contract. I don't think it behooves us to have scheduled emotional spewing sessions that evoke anxiety. I will leave those for the random outbursts, and really don't want to pay for that either.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
