Focus on me and my boys

[Painter]

So STBX calls me just now and says she does not want to fight anymore and wants things to be fun for the boys. She offered to take food out and prep things for them tonight when I get home. I was kind and told her I appreciated her actions. Then she throws the twist that she would like my permission to take the boys to Toronto this weekend because it is a holiday weekend and there are festivals.

I stated that I understand that she would like to do fun things with them. I stated that we have an agreement with the court that allows the boys to visit Toronto once a month which she already did mother's day weekend.

Then she became upset saying this is how we will be co-parenting? I stated that this is what you agreed to and since you filed, yes we need to honor the agreement. She then tried to guilt me to say that if her nephew's birthday was on an off weekend would I not allow the boys to come to his party? I stated that I am not sure and would have to think about it.

She became more upset and said she will now file a motion to take them this weekend. She said that her mother bought season passes for the boys to Canada's Wonderland and that she was going to invite me up there. I stated I appreciated the invitation but since I am no longer your H I prefer not to attend. I stated I am no longer your friend based on the actions you have taken. She then pushed back and said well you filed first. Then she re-iterated that she was going to file and hung up.

I think she is trying to be nice also because the cleaning lady did not show up today at the house and she is trying to figure out what is going on.

I am just baffled at how many fun things STBX can do without having a job.

Jim, I think you handled this perfectly! You stood firm, but didn't get dragged into an argument.

You can use phrases like "I'm so sorry, but that won't work for me." And then repeat, validate "I understand you are disappointed. I'm so sorry, but it won't work for me." "I'm sorry, I'm going to hang up now and we can talk again when things have cooled off a little."

I think you did *great*.

Sandi, thank you for sharing. That was a very powerful post, I could feel your despair through your words. You are amazing to have done the right thing and acted out of character rather than feeling.