5 weeks in since she said she doesnt love me.(2)

[Natus]

See the part i dont get according to the DR/DB rules is i dont think we are piecing because she has said outright she no longer has any feelings for me.

I don't get the connection you are making about the rules and piecing.

Hi Sandhi, always a pleasure to hear from you. Sorry if i was unclear. I guess i was alluding to her acting married despite still telling me ILYBINILY. I was confused as to which stage i am in.

She still says that but she is making effort in the marriage by being transparent, offering to stay away from OM, no texting OM, and taking leave of work to not see him.

Well granted I can't see everything or hear every conversation, however, based on what I read in your thread, I don't get the impression she is trying to piece, yet.

Here's the thing. She got caught, she was punished, and told no more EA! To me, it's kind of like spanking a child and telling them to behave. Viewing the surface, that seems to be what she's doing. But piecing?.......... IDK. What you see as her "efforts" in the M, could be obedience. Perhaps she is obeying, but her heart has not caught up with her actions, yet.

I didnt think of it that way. Its hard to believe any grown person would be obedient if they are one foot out the door. Is this positive or negative thing?

If you have read my threads about WW's, you know they have to go through the emotional withdrawal from the EA/PA. She will not experience "feelings" for you, until the OM is out of her head/heart. That's how women are wired. They love one man at a time. And, it can't switch on & off like electricity. She has to get one man completely out, so her heart in order to accept the other one.

Must be painful for a H to read this. If you understand the process, hopefully, it will give you the endurance you need.

Ill be honest while i am trying to understand it and know i have to endure, it is difficult because men(or especially me) aren't wired this way at all.

Heck i even offered to separate, albeit that means announcing to her parents then to religious authorities. I've metaphorically showed her the door and said go ahead be free.

Her religious roots and the traditions/customs of her people could be weighing on her consciousness. Not wanting her parents to know, tells me that what they think of her matters a great deal.

I believe it would break her mum's heart. Her mum has lived with a wayward husband throughout her M. The Father is around on alternate days but has a history of infedility throughout their M. Infact my W brothers and sisters have a history of drugs and failed marriages. Its seems like the whole fam is wayward.

I believe her taking leave from the job is good. I just wish it could be longer, to help her get through the addiction withdrawal period. Did she volunteer, or did you mention taking leave from work?

I still say she needs to find work elsewhere. Seeing him at the office, working late hours, it's not a good situation.

Could the two of you financially make it, if she were to resign from her job? Surely, she could find other work somewhere.

She offered the leave but i suspect because i was pushing for no contact.

Unfortunately no we wouldnt be financially ok if she resigned without a fallback job. She is looking for other jobs though, infact She just got a call for an interview at the american embassy here, lets see how that goes.