New to Site - Just found about another

[Zues126]

I just reread your sitch.

If you go out for an anniversary with a woman that has had an 8 year affair this situation is of your making as much as hers.

If you have a car worth $5500-$6000 and someone offers you $50 bucks for it, and YOU choose to sell it...are they a bad person for making the offer, or are you a sap for taking it?

She is offering you an open marriage based on disrespect, betrayal, and lies. You are accepting. And then you come here and complain to us 'where did my W go?' Where did YOU go???

Look. I do get it. You might be depressed, dependent, you think you're worthless and somehow you need this woman or this marriage to make your life livable. This is pretty obvious, because unless you felt this way you wouldn't accept this. I do get it, I have felt a lot of this myself in my life.

I would say you can't go on like this, but you can. You can live like this another 20 years if you want, assuming she doesn't punt you first in which case you'll have to pick up your emotional pieces at some point anyway, so you can live like this and just pray that she keeps giving you scraps so you don't have to grow up and take care of your emotional self.

I hope that's not what you choose to do. I hope you can take ownership for this situation and make the decision today to be the man you know you can be. That doesn't mean controlling her, or threatening her, in fact it has NOTHING to do with HER at all. It just means taking control over your life, accepting you can't control her, deciding what you want your life to look like based on the assumption that she'll continue to act the way she's acting, getting the emotional and legal support you need from an attorney, a therapist, and close friends/family that are 100% loyal to you and discreet, and then making it happen.

I did it. Didn't want to, but the alternative was unacceptable to me. You can read my thread if you'd like, from 6/2014 to 9/6/2014 was a total trip, I'll never be the same after that. But I am a different person than I was then, so feel free to see what I went through and did and follow my lead. I didn't save my M, but that has nothing to do with me, that was XW's choice. What's important is what I had control over.