I will have intention to get busy and then H has similiar idea. Like yesterday w/ yard work. Ended up taking a walk first, then came back to do yard work while he mowed. Ive got mindset that stepping back (tough for me at moment) is what he wants/will make worse. Know wrong tho. Since he is putting energy outside our MR w/ others and OW I feel need to take advantage of time together. Working on that.
During most wk nights we have dinner/watch couple shows. I excuse self early at times/say have headache and watch tv upstairs by self. Wkends we do own thing til 2 so I'm trying to be outside/delay available when he comes down (initiated by H). I want to stay comitted and handle things well but
Questions: 1) It's ok to spend some time together right? 2) Why is he delaying telling me he wants to be done? Know he fears aftermath so that's prob why. Should this give me any hope? Fear that since H shared his feelings to friend and has support that the outcome he seeks won't change. 3) H gives me somewhat of heads up when going out to eat/running etc. and when coming home..guess something? I have been doing the same is that ok? 4) I have been picking and choosing responding to his msgs. I will respond w/ "ok" and "have fun." ? 4) Will feelings for his crush fade? 5) We have talked briefly about small projects need to do like mulching etc. is that ok? One big project he mentioned but think bc he was telling parents.
I asked H the other day if he could wfh to help get our cat ready for vet tmrw, he said Maybe. tonight he said he had a meeting so couldn't help. I responded "that's fine you have a meeting, nothing you can do." He noticed I seemed irritated and I should have let it be. Long story short insinuated he rather be at work. He said goodnight and closed bedroom door. I would usually apologize but thinking leave it alone. Man am struggling checking emotions lately.
The whole EA thing is such a mine field. My W was in an EA and she thought it was a friendship, etc, etc.
Basically, there is no winning. Some men would think since it is one sided you should not be concerned. Some men would realize that a one sided EA is counter to their marriage. It's a lose lose.
Don't interfere - that will cause blow back. You may want to consider some kind of boundary.
That's all I got for now.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
My wife believes that infidelity is sexual intercourse, period. She's in an EA and doesn't think she's doing anything wrong even though she's divorcing me because I don't like her "friend."
Here is the best part of my "minefield" story. When I told the OM in the EA to get lost. He did. He wants my W and I to succeed. That I do not apologize for. I told my W that me telling another man that you are my wife and it's not cool for him to have a "secret relationship" with her is not honorable.
Funny, the only support I got was from the OM. Great example of winning the battle and losing the war (See today's post on my thread for more info).
Jzmill -
- do not interfere - do not snoop - do not question - do not take drastic actions - do not retaliate i.e. have your own affair, etc
It's a lose lose situation. Make sure you are on the lighter side of the loss.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Doodler/bigy thanks for thoughts... I have let resentment get better of me a couple times which I learned from. Will keep your tips in mind. He knows I have inkling on his feelings for OP. I read that feelings, esp if not reciprocated, will begin to fade so hope true. Having trouble taking step back/detaching since we are home often together. but have read in order to make a shift will need to do more (mentioned above I fear thats what he wants me to do so can approach me on outcome he desires).
