Want away wife, having a EA possible PA

[lfm]

blueboy

Your situation sounds eerily simmilar to mine. Been married 21 years, with 5 kids. I found out my wife was having an EA about a month and a half ago, and it has since turned into an PA. I too am still living in the same house, my wife doesn't want anyone to know what is going on. She won't tell any of her friends or family and definitely won't say anything to the kids.

The OM in my case is 6 years older than my wife, so not quite as dramatic as your situation. I have found it difficult to detach under these circumstances as well, and find myself getting sucked back in every time she has a moment of clarity and realizes that she should end the PA and work on our R. But then the OM talks his way back in a couple of days later and it starts all over again. I've been burned on this a couple of times now and have really realized that i can't believe anything she says or does right now, she is definitely addicted to her feelings like a powerful drug, and feel like it's never going to end.

My suggestion is follow the advice here as much as you can. Get out and start living for yourself. I've been working out 4 times a week, going to church and starting to get involved with some things at work that I have normally passed on because I felt like I need to get home to help her with the kids. I realize now that is one of the issues from our marriage, that I didn't have a life away from my wife and kids.

I'll definitely keep you in my thoughts, as the moment I found out was absolutely devistating. 6 weeks later, it doesn't hurt as bad, but definitely still having a lot of ups and downs.

There is some great advice here, so please read, get either of the books you'll see referenced and definitely start taking care of yourself.