I am glad to hear you stood your ground with her. Here's the thing you have to remember about a wayward. She is her number one priority.........even over her son, if it were to come right down to it. Waywards have proven time after time that their selfishness is unmeasurable! It has shocked many a husband to see his once devoted and loving W who would have walked through fire for one of her children........become a selfish, greedy, cold, manipulative woman who he no longer recognized.
Be prepared. She will do her best to manipulate you. She has a bag of a lot of tricks, so expect anything.
This is the thinking of a wayward has: What I say........goes. I don't have to give a notice or an explanation. What [i]you want is inconsequential. It is never a matter of fairness or sensibility. If it's what I want, that should be enough reason. It is always about what I stand to benefit. ALWAYS!![/i]
Just like your W decided she was through paying her share through June. She did not discuss it. She told you, and it made no difference to her how you felt about it. However, she does not believe the same rules apply both ways.
The WW has to see that she cannot manipulate and get by with bullying tactics, before she will start to see her H with a more respectful viewpoint. The sooner she learns he is not going to play along with her games, the sooner she stands a chance of coming out of her foggy fantasy.
The H can do more when he uses a calm, yet strong stand on his decisions. No yelling, cursing, name calling, etc. He should conducts himself in a dignified manner. He has to protect himself and do what he believes to be right. He must put wisdom over his heart, while he deals with this woman who does not operate like the woman he wants to love. This is not the girl he married.
This stepson, did you adopt him? Is he going to a private school? Why would she expect you to financially support her son.........if she plans to leave the M?
I never formally adopted him, but I came into his life at 9 years old. He's 18 now and at University. Pretty expensive. He has told me he views me as Dad. His real father is a deadbeat in Ireland. Out of the picture. I view him as my son, and I want to help him. W has said that I don't need to, but I feel obligated as a parent figure to do so.
Now I'm starting to think this: It has always been, "this is how I'm handling his school finances, you can help if you want to, but this is it" I was never in on the discussion. She just did what she was gonna do, and if I agree, then great.
Now, I'm leaning toward, I will help him, but not with her. I'll do what I see fit on my own. Yes, she's handling most all of it on her own, and part of me has felt bad. But, I'm beginning to see that I shouldn't feel bad, I should just help him in my own way.
