Need some help from the DB community! Crunch Time!

[Accuray]

Yes I do recommend doing that. I really don't see any difference in a WW vs a WAW. The only difference from my perspective is that you can't do *anything* with a WW until the affair ends, but at that point they typically become a WAW so really there's no difference.

I have a friend who cheated on his W because he had developed a "work spouse" who he traveled with for work all the time. One night they both drank too much and had sex. Afterwards, he was extremely remorseful, owned what he did, and apologized very sincerely to his wife. He gave her full access to his accounts, let her know his whereabouts, etc. He apologized and showed remorse, and tried to make amends.

That kind of cheating happens too, and that would require a different approach, but those people don't usually end up here. The people who end up here tend to have a spouse who is "done" and either walks away (if they are strong) or has an exit affair (if they are weak). Either way, they're not really looking to re-engage with their spouse, so what the LBS should be doing is the same.

I suspect that in your case, and correct me if I'm wrong, your wife originally gave you access to her accounts and whereabouts, but didn't commit to the relationship with her heart.

Because you knew she wasn't committed in her heart, you remained uneasy and felt the need to continue to monitor.

Because you continued to monitor and temperature check, your wife felt like you didn't trust her and that pushed her farther away, because you can't have intimacy in the absence of trust.

So now here you are -- your wife feels scrutinized and like she's treated as if she's guilty. You feel unappreciated, and like you have a spouse who doesn't really love you the way you need her to. Both of you are suffering from the lack of intimacy.

How can you repair that in the same house under the same roof? You can't unless you *both* want to. She's not sure she wants to. You need to give her the space to *want it*. While you're giving her the space, you need to *rock* your own life. You need to be the better choice.

If you do that, you literally cannot lose no matter what happens.

I saw my ex this weekend and she was wearing a T-shirt that said "Fries Before Guys" with a picture of french fries on it -- thought you would enjoy that -- it's the WAW attitude in a nutshell.

Acc