returning Newbie????

[job]

I'm glad you went to an Al-Anon meeting. Yes, DB can work in all areas of your life...it's not just for helping you in your present situation. There is a detachment thread on the MLC Forum that you may want to check out. It provides some valuable info on detaching.

What's on your agenda for today?

[TabD]

Well just got off the phone with H. He was supposed to have Dr appointment this morning. He was in so much pain last Thursday and this was soonest H could get in. H asked me to be there. Now this morning since H is hungover from all night drinking he cancelled it. I hung up the phone because I didn't want to say something that would create a ruckus. I called him back and explained I hung up on him and why. I also told him that if he cancelled the appointment OK. I think needs it but I can't make him go. Also he cancelled th you appointment for this morning to look for an apartment. Said he didn't have time.

[TabD]

My H, is trying to find his own place. i am worried that we can't financially afford this. We are already struggling with the current situation at our home. Then adding in rent for a new place and those additional bills, will we ever get thru this?

I'm freaked out that if he does find his own place that it is like the final nail in the coffin. No we are not divorced, nor has that word ever worked into any recent conversations with counselor or just our conversations. but H hasn't been staying at our home for the past 3 weeks either.

do i "support" him on this or.... there is the question.

[doodler]

TabD,

I'm very sorry about your situation. Do you know if he's having an affair?

[collin]

Tab,
As far as "supporting" him. It's hard to support something that you're so opposed to. But I don't think you should get in his way or prevent him. If this is something that he feels like he has to do, then if you don't let him, it could just lead to resentment and even more hurt feelings.

I don't think it's necessarily the death nail. Perhaps he just needs a separation. I'm not completely opposed to the mindset that a break/separation could be beneficial. If you have netflix go look up Andy Stanley's "Starting Over". It's a 4 part series, very watchable, not overly preachy. I've watched it a couple times and I find it very encouraging and enlightening.

[TabD]

Doodler,
I do not know if H is having an affair. My H is an alcoholic whom has relapsed. It could be an A or it could just be the addiction pulling me. I don't want to snoop to get that information. H has not mentioned anything or even hinted towards OW during counselling.

[TabD]

collin,
yes it is so hard to say OK, lets go get you a new place. when i am screaming on the inside, NO NO NO, this isn't right, it doesn't feel right.

i do have netflix. i will look up "starting over"

i will work on being strong and "supporting" him on getting his own place. I have to be strong.

[doodler]

TabD,

Yes, it feels counter-intuitive. Think of it as "going with the flow." You could swim against the current and exhaust yourself and drown, or you can relax and go with the current until you find a place for a safe landing.

I unexpectedly felt better when I let go. But as always, results may vary.

[Painter]

TabD, I am so sorry you are here - but welcome!

I personally feel that an addiction is like an affair. Alcohol is really the OW. I hope your H is planning on getting help, and it sounds like a (residential?) recovery program would be better for him than moving out on his own.


Edit - Threads merged

[TabD]

Painter, oh my I never thought of alcohol being the OW. Yes I agree about an inpatient rehab center. He just went thru a rehab program in 10/2015. But I don't think 28 days are quite enough.

I just found out H tried to increase credit limit on credit card and get personal loan for $1000. To which both were denied as this addiction has killed our credit. Then that means H won't be able to get his own place. Blessing in disguise???