SunnyB,
I'm going to have to deal with this, sooner rather than later, too. My stbx's gf is someone he has worked with, mentored, for almost as long as he's known me. She was just out of college, he was already 30 when they started working together. She's been part of his life through our whole relationship. She sent me a congratulatory note when our D was born, but he also kept a clear boundary between me and her.

I will likely have to face her (and see her with my D) many times over the next few decades. I can't hold onto the anger forever. He is icky, their relationship and how it began leaves an awful taste in my mouth... but for my D5's sake, I have to be a grownup about it. The thought of it makes me nauseous and it may be the hardest thing about all of this. But what choice is there? Be bitter and make my D feel uncomfortable? No, I will show her I am just as worthy and strong. My D will never be made to feel bad for -- gasp -- liking the OW.

I don't think you need to ask to be introduced, but you can speak with your actions. If your paths cross (which they will probably do eventually ), you can just act gracious and cordial. You can also make it clear to your kids that they don't have to feel protective of you.

My grandmother held a huge grudge against the woman my grandpa left her for-- my mom always felt so guilty because she always liked his 2nd wife (even more than she liked her own mother). Let's just say it caused my mom some life -long issues she's had to deal with. I won't ever put my daughter through that.

Hugs to you.


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013