Nothing to really do with the feelings. Just feel them and let them move pass. Maybe start working on healing your broken ego? On trying to repair yourself first. How can you take the focus off of your wife and back on you? This might need to be first priority.
The truth is we are all flawed. We all have dysfunctions and different backgrounds and different coping styles. We all bring both good and bad to our relationships. I think we do change and grow as well. Your wife has flaws but it's nice to see you recognize and miss some of the good Qualities about her too. Again, I think all you can do now is not get too absorbed in her and make this about you. Easy to say. I know.
I agree with you that wife should have let you have kids when she was away. Any way to prevent this from happening again? Could you communicate this to her in a nice way ?
