New here need support

[SH_]

Poschan,

I wish I could tell you something that would ease the pain in the moment. I know first hand the hurt you are experiencing.
Let it through. A wise woman on these boards told me once that it is not a sign of weakness and your d7 will not see it as such. We have been conditioned to think that way, but trust me it is not.
Now the pain does cloud our judgments, but that is why I encourage you to let it pass through you, and after it does then focus on making decisions.
You need to start the healing process. Get to the MD, get an IC, find a divorce care group in your area. These are all safe places and will get you on the path to healing.
And my most important price of advice.
Stay in the moment.
Looking back will bring on depression. It does not good as you can not change the past
Looking forward will bring on anxiety. We tend to envision a future that is created from our past. We come up with scary scenarios that most likely will never happen. You can not predict the future, whether bad or good.
Stay in the moment. Pain becomes temporary if left in the moment. Joy can be heightened when we focus and experience it in the moment.

Be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself.
You can get through this.
My prayers are with you my friend.